How to survive all you hater part 2

Hate on me hater!! "Go head and hate on me because my mind is free." Those are some of the lyrics from the ever lovely Miss Jill Scott. I was hearing this song and realized I needed to give some more advice about swatting off haters.

I never see myself as all that. I am just a decent guy with a few passions in his life. I love computers, smartphones, now writing, the people I truly care about and this spaceship called Earth. Yeah I sound somewhat like a hippie but you realize the things you truly love in this world when haters want to enter into your world. And, haters can ruin the beautiful landscape of life that you try to build for you and yours.

So here is another piece of advice to ward off hating evil spirits. A wise man once told me to "keep your game low but too high for alligators." You know I mean by that quote right? Don't let everyone know everything you are doing. Like my mom says "Don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." Next whatever that you do, do it a little more and better than anyone else or at least strive for that accomplishment but not too high because everyone will know what you are doing then.

Think of the story of Icarus. Don't fly too low and end up in the ocean drowning but don't be too high where your wings will melt and you can't fly no more. Just do things a little under the radar but a little higher than undercover. That is the best way of handling your business.

Also at the end of the day let haters hate on. You never asked for haters to hate on you just like I never asked anyone to hate on me. I have no big ego. You will find that haters have some of the biggest egos in the world and everyone offends that honor. Just remember that your world has nothing to do with hate if you follow the pace of peaceful journey. I am not hear to hate on anyone or to make anyone hate on me. I am just doing my own thing and wanting to share the energy I have.

Well hate on me because my spirit and mind is free.

I can't do satire or be funny help!!!

So never let it be said that I like to write boring news or write news in a boring way. I do my best to have a little humor, satire and even confusion to break the already tedious day to day discrimination that you read about in the headlines.

So when reading about this guy Dr. Phil Snider and the way he stood up for gay rights I thought I would take the baton of ironic humor as he did, in his speech, in support of a anti-discrimination law which was just tabled. The law would have included homosexuality as one of the orientations to be protected in Missouri City.

When you first hear Mr. Snider's speech you would think his whole platform was anti-gay unless you missed the first few words in the beginning of his tirade when he says "I am in support of his law."

You would think he is a bigot and just can't stand gay people for sure but the speech was taken from an era when segregation was in full swing and many Christian leaders used the Bible to prove why white and black people should not mix. He used that same speech as a comical ironic protest to show how far we have come as a society when it comes to hate and discrimination.

I decided to keep the irony going and depicted the man as a hatemonger that can't keep his discrimination in the right order. I failed.

So for all of you that read my article on Google News no Dr. Phil Snider is not a bigot, he is for gay rights and this incident so reminds me of the "The Onion" fiasco but as they say that is another story.

Talk to the devil and post on You Tube

Hi everyone. The first thing I want to do is thank everyone who has come to the "Devil's Advocate" blog. I have been blasting this particular blog on Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus. I want to really promote this whenever possible.

The guy who writes this blog is fearless in expressing himself. A lot of people asked if I write this particular owner of the blog. Nope, I am not. I have contributed one article and plan on contributing more but the young guy who started this blog is passionate about advocacy in his own way.

He asked me about how to start a blog and really make it shine. To tell everyone the truth I am still trying to find out the secret myself. I just told him to stick to what you know, be passionate about what you write about and don't stop writing no matter what. I am sure there are more business aspects that will help him on his journey but I don't really know what grants a person high page counts and corporate sponsorship. If anyone knows the secret or can help in that area please contact me so I can pass the message to my friend.

And yes he remains anonymous for a reason. Probably because he is not ready to reach death threat status like I have for being a bit controversial.

So I am posting to my "I Got Something to Say" Channel and "The Gay Relationist" Channel on You Tube. If I have not said this before but the message is more powerful than the messenger so I don't give a fuck if those channels go viral. I just like talking about relationships and the issues that surround the gay community. I hope the message I bring or anything I say does some good to uplift the community. So you can check my channels at http://www.youtube.com/user/TheSoswirl?feature=mhee  and at
http://www.youtube.com/user/thegayrelationist?feature=results_main.

This is a short direct post so keep your head up, keep the faith and keep being sexy. See you later.

The real book of life is not edited

Let me start this post off by saying I am worried, scared and off balance with putting out my book. I am breaking all the rules to put out a new category or genre of writing that I call the "Reality Novella." Some might call me crazy but I call it misunderstood.

All your life you always hear about "the book of life".  Life is a stage and we are merely characters to  be played but in real life you have no chapters with little summaries to guide you and tell you what happens in living. A book is an edited, manicured recreation of whatever is drummed up in a writers mind which is printed using cookie cutter traditional standards.

Whenever I read a book I never read the chapter pages, preface or anything that will tell me what will happen. Sometimes in my mind I wonder why those elements are there in books which I understand the logical reason why.

Well as you can see, the picture in this post is the front cover of my book. Again, I am scared for this book to come out because it does not conform to anything but it steeped in symbolism the way it is written. I asked for no editing because though the book maybe fiction I wanted it to have as much realism possible. Books are edited for seamless, enjoyable reading with no mistakes if possible. That is not life.

Life has mistakes and lots of them. Life is not seamless and mistakes are some of the best things that can happen to you. When anybody writes there are going to be mistakes. When you speak you have a real voice and in writing you have a real voice that is stifled through editing.

Too many conditions and not enough realism or reality. I write the way that life is intended to be lived. The best way you know how, hope for the best but expect the worst but through all of it never stray away from speaking your "peace".

Rants of a gay introvert about feeling black and gay

So I just came back from a retreat which was very informative this weekend to any person in the black gay community. If you know anything about me or keep up with my blog, I stay myself.  Now when I mean I stay to myself  keep to myself; between Aiken and Atlanta, which I split my living situation between both towns. I don't go out too much and I am guarded about spending lots of time around people. Especially now that I am becoming a "little" more well known.

Now, I looked up the word introvert to see if maybe I fall into that category. I keep to myself, isolate myself somewhat and just feel it is easier in guarding who I am. I don't have many friends but I have many people that claim to know the real me. That is how my life has been from childhood to now.

Now we get to the this weekend which was very insightful from a black centric point of view. There was a question of my personal connection to the black community as a gay man. I was to rate that connection on a scale from 1 to 10. This question started my electrons to fire because I know that many people has taken certain previewed aspects of my life and may get the wrong impression that I am not for my own people. One of those perceptions could come from my shyness and introversion.

Basically what I am writing here is that I really never learned to interact with people on a social level. I am learning that skill now, in my 30's, to become more comfortable in being around people especially my own black community. Stowing yourself away in isolation is not learning to deal and connect with people in the world. It surely is not the way to secure your person and yourself as a person.

For years I had not been apart of any community. Keeping to myself has ruined that natural connection that I should have especially with my own people, black and gay. That is why I dig deep into activism and advocacy. Nothing should be able to bring a community together more than solving the problems we all face together.

I guess the reason all of this has come up now is because I just got a sample of how young black gay men view the black gay community. A lot of the descriptive words were negative and it was not that the sample group I was around consciously believes all the descriptions given. It was the fact that when asked about black and gay and community these negative connotations were the first thing that came to the minds of the younger black gay generations I was accompanied with. I will write more about it later because this part of my weekend education did disturb me a little.

Publish America has been wonderful so far

Ok, so here is my book update which I promise to give to the public periodically because I signed a contract with Publish America. Supposedly in the publishing world this is a no-no because of the bad rep that has been floating around the internet about this publishing company.

There has been many rumors about how Publish America doesn't really publish books, overcharge for the books they sell on their site or take any ole' manuscript and don't do a good job editing. There have been a number of complaints against the company that you can find.

My take on the situation comes from my own personal experience with Publish America. I just believe you can't take anybody's word as gospel when it comes to the internet. Everybody will not have the same experience dealing the same company. I went on different sites and there are a number of complements to match the number of complaints.

When you are a first time author wanting to express yourself and have everyone see your vision, you do what you have to do at times. So far Publish America has kept to everything they said they would do contractually. They sent me my advance $1, they got all permission forms they need from me, every time I have contacted them they have gotten back to me in a timely manner and they have been courteous over the phone and in e-mail.

The only things that concerned is that the fact they needed my approval on an issue which I believe held up the project longer. They claim that normally they can have a book in review status within nine months and it has been that long.  I am very patient, I am grateful they saw potential in my work because they are footing the bill and most of all I understand that I, as a first author, have lots of work to put in to make this venture successful.

I go in with my eyes open not expecting Publish America to do more than expected by the contract. For right now they get a 8.5 out of 10. I will keep you informed on the progress and trust me I will let you know if they slip up too.

It is hard to believe a gay person did this to Cindy Close

Wow, this woman's story really touched my heart and I felt so bad for her. Beyond feeling terrible for this woman's tragedy I feel more sick at the fact that a member of the gay community would be so awful towards her.

The woman to the left is Cindy Close and she was betrayed by a man that Marvin McMurrey who she believed was a close friend. 

This all started some time back when McMurrey and Close had talked about being equal parents in raising a child together. Not as a relationship couple but as two good friends that would be loving parents to a child that she was give birth too. 

So after some discussion she was made pregnant by in-vitro fertilization using anonymous donor eggs and of course the sperm came from McMurrey. Cindy Close had twins and soon as those babies were born McMurrey filed legal papers declaring Close to be just a surrogate mother and that is all. 

If this story is true meaning you have a situation where a gay man, who never told this woman he was gay, befriended Close and tricked her into having these babies just to take them away; this man is truly sick. 

This woman had babies. These are not items or possessions you can take away and say they are mine and everything is alright. This woman has feeling and a bond because they were two lives in her body for nine months growing and being nurtured by someone who loved them. 

Let's really be honest. If feels like treachery and deception was used by McMurrey. If he was not so greedy and selfish he could see there is enough love for both of these children by all three individuals which consist of McMurrey, his boyfriend Phong Nguyen, and Cindy Close. They could work something out that does not involve the court if McMurrey was not being such a bastard at this juncture in the game.

I still feel sick that a member of the gay community, my community,  is being such a cunt and asshole. I guess selfishness knows no bounds because he literally stepped on this woman to gain what he wanted, again if that is the case. 

No matter who did what, the kids are the ones that suffer and being gay does not automatically make you a good person. But let's reserve judgement for the cunt until more information is found because he has to be the devil his due.

I got an indirect compliment about my book

So, I am very happy about the progress Publish America is making with my book. Nine months ago I gave them a collection of fiction stories that I rolled from my head that were inspired by my life.

I have to admit the progress has been slow, not to mention I have seen the negative comments about not allowing Publish America to produce any of my work. They have some what of a bad reputation on the net but from one bad reputation to another, sometimes you have to experience things and people on your own so I decided to take that chance.

Now here I am getting an e-mail from the head of the design team telling me they feel my book is non-fiction. I told him that my books are fiction based from my reality. In my reality there is a lot of sex, drugs and rock & roll. Does not mean I get what I asked for.

I never said that everything in my reality is based in truth when it comes to my novellas. It would be irresponsible to use real people and their lives in my writing. Not everyone wants to be put on front street. Not to mention that the only people real in my book is the main character which is a drama filled derivative of me. Think of it as melodrama on steroids. But also the main character is someone whose life is based in a drug world and a lot of the people he encounters are pimps, drug dealers and drug users which he is considered to be a rent boy without even knowing it.

I wrote the book in journal form to expand upon the development of the character. That is the only way to know the main character because you never see his name. The whole book flips from past to present from memory to actuality to really puts you in the mind of real life. It jumbled and somewhat off center as reality most of the time is. So, to get an e-mail asking for written permission from real counterparts of the characters I created was a great compliment because there is no real counterparts.

In the first book every gay man I meet is named David because it is a common gay name. That was the way the main character keeps his secrets from everyone by calling all his sexual encounters David because he is very promiscuous.

When you get down to it, my books is just about a guy that has the dream always wanting to move to Atlanta so I based the book on my reality and not anyone else's lives. It is a mixed up collection of  hodgepodge potpourri fictional events inspired by the nativity of my wet behind the ears self.  But I am proud that people believe it to be true. It makes me feel good. 

How to survive all you haters part 1

So, haters are funny to me. I write a lot about this subject because I have haters. I have people that will publicly talk about my writing style saying that I express myself poorly, have grammar mistakes and errors which they express in a public forum.

I won't lie, it did get to me a little bit, at first, because I realized I was coming into a new world of writing, naked and going through trial by fire. I knew that I did not want formal training in the art of writing because I wanted to write unconditionally.

I have a message and I realized that if people are more concerned with grammar mistakes than reading the powerful message of unity that I feel will literally solve all the problems of the gay community then those are people I don't want in my corner.


Here is something that I did not realize that a good friend kept pointing out to me. I kept wondering why people would down someone just trying to express a message that is useful to a whole group of people. That is when someone told me those people might be jealous because I was getting noticed. When you are getting noticed that is something people want for themselves. In other words, I was becoming more popular and did not realize it.

I know I am not the best writer in the world, I have my own style, I have my own voice and it does not conform to the standards set by industry and learning. I am going to be me. I write unconditional as possible the same way I think, feel and speak. That is the easiest way I have found my voice and if that pisses you off then FUCK YOU.

There is the first lesson on surviving haters in anything that you do. I have been spending my time trying to find my voice and power which happens through breaking a lot of eggs, barriers and traditions. Some people don't care about that. Some people want to put you in the worst light because "bad light" travels faster than light-speed.

You keep finding you in anything that you do. Stay prayed up, head up and any type of "up" that is needed to keep your mind on track and focus. Haters don't care about the work that you do. They want to make themselves better by making you worse. Show haters, whatever you do, that you are the best at finding your place in life. At that point, haters are easy to knock off.

Bad for feng shui is a polite way of saying no gays allowed

New York media has been buzzing about gay couple Barrett Greene and Thomas Eng. These two members of the LGBTQ community are suing Amber Restaurant , a Asian-fusion establishment in New York’s West Village, over the allegation there wedding rehearsal dinner was terminated by a manager that found out the couple was gay.

According to the Huffington Post the owner’s son of the restaurant fired the employee that made the reservation, saying that he did not want any ‘gay parties’ at  his establishment because they are “especially bad for feng shui”.

A few points about this whole situation strikes to be either very odd or adds light depending on how you look at it. Since the occurrence of this incident that particular location has closed down. Fong Lin who is the Amber Village manager told the New York Post that the accusation is “ridiculous” and the reservation was canceled because the restaurant was moving.

Let’s just say for kicks this statement is true. Why didn’t the manager just move the reservation to another location? Amber Restaurant seems to have several and one is just as good as any other.  Also, why was this mix-up or inconvenience not explained to the couple? It just seems an honest mistake could have been cleared up with communication.

Also a lot of us probably thought that businesses have the right not to serve anyone they want. No one has to give a reason why. A business can refuse service if they don’t want your patronage or is that true? Well in the melting pot that is New York, the SONDA law protects from “actual or perceived” discrimination based on sexual orientation. That is a big stick to swing if you feel that prejudice has raised its ugly head in your pursuit of living a relatively normal and discriminatory free life.

Let’s be real in this situation. Court documents make it very clear that the manager of the Amber establishment made notice of the couple’s sexual orientation and that played a huge factor in the outcome of recent events. Not to encourage this behavior but it would have been easier for the manager just to lie and make up a story. That is how discrimination is done these days anyway.

Whether you are black, gay, Latino, short or whatever; if you don’t want a particular person of distinguishing difference to have the same equality, you make up any excuse that seem to fit. That is how present day prejudice works. No one outright shows there prejudice, out in the open, because of little things like litigation.

The lesson for the day is to treat people as you want to be treated and make no mistake, the LGBTQ is in a position to make examples and this case is going to be closely watched and supported by all members of the gay community.

I got spanked for using the word 'faggot'

So in the attempt to test the boundaries of my creative mind I decided to voice my perspective in an abrupt manner. I used the word "faggot" in a headline of my last article which me and the editors had some creative differences. In other words they unpublished my shit. (haha)

I am not mad at all because I knew a few things were going to happen when they saw the headline. Either I was going to be praised for my fearless, in your face writing style or I was going to be called a douche bag and sent into the corner with a dunce cap.

I do have to admit that the story itself made me a bit angry and I wanted to express what bigots and false people say behind our backs or when they smile in front of a gay person's face knowing they don't like us because we are gay.

The original title of my article was "Bad for feng shui is a polite way of saying 'no faggots allowed'". The only reason I used the word "faggot" was for realism and shock value because in the real world, that is what prejudice people call us. When businesses deny service to the gay community because of our sexual orientation that is the same as calling us "faggot" or any other slur that can easily roll off their tongue.

Why sugarcoat the fact that this type of thinking and apparent behavior is just that which is apparent. It is what it is and seeing that in bold letters, in black and white is something that reminds the gay community that people who do not share in the vision of equality has another vision for the LGBTQ and it starts with the word "faggot".

I say don't disrespect me by calling me gay if what you really want to do is call me a faggot. Don't insult my intelligence and the intelligence of my community if you have already disrespected us by discriminating against us but you want to call us "gay" to be politically correct.

Don't do us any favors by holding back because if true change is going to occur I rather face the harsh honesty than the courteous bullshit.

Atheism vs Black Atheism: Too gay to be a 'Black Atheist of Atlanta'

A few months prior this column brought you an article titled “The Black Anti-gay Atheist of Atlanta” where it spotlighted the homosexual views of two “black” atheists Blackson and Ankhkakek. The views in this case are against being gay in a harsh manner but recent statements made on their weekly live public access show, toward the gay community, should make the LGBTQ in Atlanta nervous because lack of tolerance should not have to equal lack of respect.
A few things must be mentioned so there is a base understanding because there are some concepts which these two atheists consider different.

First they consider themselves “black” atheists which means they don’t believe in a God which now their mindset and energy is channeled to overturning global white supremacy. In other words, their efforts are to uplift and educate the black community to solve the problems facing the African-American nation to date.

Let’s step away from this reference for a moment and answer the question why is this topic is important to the gay community. For months this column has brought up the trend of gay Americans turning to Atheism for obvious reasons. When you have religion and God which are supposed to be saving elements in life, being used by those with anti-gay agendas then it is easy to see why gay people don’t want to believe in God.  As a community gay people are being discriminated against by the repentatives of the most high so turning to Atheism seems to be a logical course of action for a lot of gay individuals. If this shift to Atheism is more than a trend, then the LGBTQ needs to be informed and cautious as to what is in store because some “enlightened” atheists are still prejudice against gay people.

So, let’s return to the concepts of the Black Atheists of Atlanta which if you are gay, you can’t be a black atheist by the standards set by Blackson and Ankhkakek. Being gay is the same as believing in God in the minds of these two and all that believe in the message these men convey. They believe both being gay and religion used to enslave black people and to halt the reproductive trail which black scholars consider the original path. That means, for all you black gay American that want to turn to Atheism, there is no place for you in Black Atheism so you have to turn to basic atheist groups like the Black Atheists of America or the Atheist Experience on You Tube.


But, here are a few funny things about this whole atheist understanding. Atheism is a lack of belief in a God. That is it, there is nothing to come too or try to find. All this talk about being a black atheist is just using Atheism as a platform for other agendas. In some circles they call it “Atheism Plus”. A lot of hate groups have used Atheism as a platform for years and many more will use the same format for years to come.  It is the same as gay-rights in politics. Gay marriage is a platform for politicians to capture voters and not to further the liberty of gay Americans as it should be.

Now, before we go any further, the Black Atheists of Atlanta is neither a hate group nor homophobic but there is no doubt they are anti-gay. In fact the group supports conventions dealing with the “problem” of homosexuality in the black community. But isn’t labeling gay people a problem a large issue in the black community which ostracizes gay black people from the heritage they identify with?

It seems this is all a vicious cycle in some form. You throw off the shackles of religion to enlighten your mind and to step towards something that seems more unconditional.  Now that your mind is “lighter” as a person you want to replace all that conditioning with finding yourself in some fashion. As a black gay person you revert back to the unity you are most comfortable with because being black, gay and atheist is terribly scary by yourself.  You come to find out that there is no room for you at the black atheist table because they have conditions on your Atheism and they are very discriminatory.
Personally, there is some comfort in knowing that we don’t know everything and something soothing about enjoying the ignorance of believing something more powerful does.  It definitely is a whole lot simpler and less hateful.

Infotek.legend.myth/be.scared.Atlanta

With technology ever growing the capabilities of what one can do is almost endless, time gives way to the fact that more and more barriers are being breached and heights are being reached in order to obtain the all mighty dollar. They say the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world that he does not exist. If that is the case, how dangerous is it not to believe that in a city as big as Atlanta someone is not tracking your credit card number or monitoring your mobile broadband transmissions?  How dangerous is it to believe there is no ghost in the shell?

For those that don’t know the reference “Ghost in the Shell” is one of the earliest Japanese anime that dealt with cyber-jacking, the ability to almost become one with a machine or information. What a lot of Atlanta residents fail to understand is that these sealed off boundaries surrounding your identities, banking information or even video has been broken by those are not frightened by the question “Should I?”

We are not talking about cyber avengers such as the hacktivist group Anonymous that use their gift to change the world on a global scale. We are mentioning those with the capability to peek in an out of closed doors and privacies of everyday people for profit. They prey upon the fact that no one has the innovative vision to see a smartphone as a gateway to people’s personal lives and without a thought, your personal business that you wanted to remained tucked away has been uploaded to be used for whatever reason.

Think about it for moment. If there are those that have the technology to ride by slowly and gather as much information as possible from credit card numbers, emails to  text messages, across a wireless feed, would it be so hard to think there is a group in Atlanta that has taken this power to a whole other level.

We use mobile phones, laptops and wireless broadband means to transmit data every day.
It would make sense that anyone that understands this realm of technology would have an upper hand in a metropolis such as Atlanta. The real threat comes from the fact that no would believe that a group would work that much in secret, patience and effort to be a cyber-threat for money. Is it no wonder that Atlanta Police Department is rumored to be using such vigilantes in their surveillance circles to loop around the rights of its residents, criminal or not.

Again, just rumors that everyone has the right to disbelieve but have the right to be aware of. Nothing to be frightened of until it is you that is in the middle of the so-called cyber storm.  Take it from someone who knows. If the way is possible then do not doubt that someone has figured out the means to reach those violating ends.

I am going to write this one more time

This Labor Day Weekend was really eye opening. A lot of things were validated to me and many thoughts that I knew, were never going away, are now silenced with new questions and messages to send.

I see myself as a messenger to the gay community. I support the gay community with the message that we are a powerful people. No matter the background, no matter the circumstance, no matter the issue you face as a gay person; you are more powerful in this world than you can ever dreamed.

This message goes out to my friend Stanley who told me that he did not care if he woke up in the morning. That someone who has been kind to me and I would do anything in the world for, told me that it did not matter if he lives or dies.  Basically that is unacceptable and I won't accept that as normal for anyone with a heart and mind big as my friend's.


This whole situation with him started me to thinking about how the gay community feels as a whole. There are those that will try and impede my message to the gay community. Also, there are some out there that don't want you to hear the message of unity and strength. I feel this is one of the problems that my friend encountered. There are some people out there that will do anything to discourage the message of unity and power we all need to hear.

For a moment, forget about this being an election year. When the dust settles on who is president this coming term what is left for gay people. All we have is each other and the support that we have gathered from people that understand the message.

The message is more powerful than the messenger and every last gay person has a message to send. Don't be silent. If there are advocates to silence then I am an ally to speech. I believe with all the conviction I can muster, there is no way in hell I am going to stop sending out the message and I hope that message is clear.

Finished my first article for CBS

I am ecstatic that I finished my first assignment for CBS Local and I already have my second assignment. There are parts of me that so want to talk about this newest gig but my contract does not allow me to give details about the articles I write until they are published.

That is alright because this is something I still am going to share with everyone--at least the emotion part. I know big deal. It is just a freelance gig and anybody can get them. That is true but you are talking to someone that believes he not the best writer in the world. I am a just a guy that has a message and have always felts the message is more important, more relevant than the messenger.

Though the topic is not what I am used to, I am sure that I did the best job I possibly could and if not, that is what the edit button is for. The main thing is that I enjoy writing and I take pleasure in bringing the gay community together through my words.

The only thing now is to start writing for those porn websites like I always wanted. (hehehe) I wonder if they pay for the "inside track" if you know what I mean. Yeah I can use a little of that type of fluffing

I guess this is going to be a short post tonight. I think I used up all my writing energy worrying about doing a good job with CBS. I am sure once I get through this one article everything else will be like walking on sunshine. I just got to remember not to get to close to the sun.  As always keep the peace..

Letter to young gay people that want to kill themselves

I just have this message in my heart and wanted to share it with every gay person as possible. Pass this message on today.

Every young gay person's life has meaning and has unlimited value. We will not let them die in vain.

 To sit here and write these words is not difficult at all because of the belief in the power they hold which is the same power in every last gay person in this country. It is the same power that binds all gay people in the same space and purpose. That whoever you are now is forever changed because you realize the energetic bond between us all and you no longer an individual in pain alone. You are now part of a family.

It is easy to die. It take less effort and energy than living and when you are young; trying to survive the world by being who you are, as a gay person, is hard enough. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to be ridiculed, put down, put out, disparaged, disrespected and discarded but some people are just cruel. There is reason behind this behavior but it is a moot point because it has nothing to do with you except for being the object of a person's anger. You just happen to be the right person at the wrong time in somebody else’s life.

To tell you that things get better is a lie and you probably had enough lies told to you for one lifetime. What you deserve is honesty and truth. If you feel like dying today because you can’t handle the pain of being who you are, here is the remedy to your wanting to die.

Things don’t get better because someone says so. Sometimes life becomes harder and worse than what you are going through now but the one thing that keeps us all going and yes, there are more than just you that want to die. The thing that keeps us all going is to know that we are needed.

It is a pattern that has cycled over and over again through history. The ones that feel downtrodden and defeated keep this world in balance and honest. We gather together, the underdog the long-shot and true people of this nation to fight a war of equality unlike this world has ever seen. We use suffering and sorrow as fuel to protect the gay individuals that  follows the same path of pain now and in the future.

You cannot take your life now because it has a purpose beyond yourself. Your life has collective meaning in the gay community. You are needed. You are needed to show this world the true strength and love of the gay community. Nothing can destroy and kill us off as others have tried in the history of gay Americans and you who wish to kill yourself now have this task and gift as part of you.

Gay men and women have died so that you have the privilege to stand up with pride to be who you really are and nothing in the world can change this fact because here you are today. Who you are matters and is needed to keep the cycle of life going till the day that all gay people will no longer suffer as you have.

Even the Bible says who is last will be first and since you now feel last in living you will be the first example of strong life. Your life, someone tried to destroy and that life will be an example for young gay people to build from. So you see, you can't die now. So many gay people will depend on your life to show them how to live.

I have reach death threat status

So, you can now officially call me big time. As a writer and activist, you know that you have come a long way when you start receiving death threats. It kind of goes in a process from what I have been experiencing.

First you get decent in the craft of writing and trying to find your own voice. Once you find that voice, you tweek and freak the masses by saying what you feel and stading up for what you believe to be right.

Once you have that under your belt the next thing to happen if haters will be on your back. You're always going to have haters that want to nit-pick to try and tear your work to bits. Now, I know I am not the best writer in the world but I try to be the most real within the confines my handlers a.k.a. editors tell me. But, you will always have someone that want to hinder your progress by trying to convince everyone you are no good. That is cool as long as the message gets out. The message is more powerful than the messenger anyway and that is how it is supposed to be.

After haters you start to reach death threat status. Now that is how you know you are really doing a good job and reaching the community with your message. The message may not always be pretty but it is truthful and as we all know, truth is not in the best interest of some people.

For instance, my recent article about Todd Akin, the asshole that fucked up and ran his mouth about abortion, had a few people giving reasonable input in the comment section and then all of a sudden I got a message in my e-mail. The picture in this post is not the threat I received. It basically said that I should die and I am going to hell; you now the usual jazz.

Damn, you tell a bunch of people the truth that Christianity and the Bible is a blueprint for war, rape, slavery and murder; they act like you wrote something bad.

By no means am I religious but I am a spiritual person no doubt. I believe in God and believe that love and spirit are powerful virtues to save us all in some form but I am smart enough to know that religion has been used as a weapon to subjugate and oppress people as well. Wars have been waged on this planet in the name of God and destruction committed by Christian faith.

I don't think people like to hear those parts of the Bible. The whole point of the article is to show that everyone claiming that being gay is against the Bible and goes against reproduction which will basically destroy the human race if we can't multiply, is shit.

The Bible has stories of slavery and war with teaching that conflicts with many moral principles of today's modern law and philosophy. Christianity has destroyed this world more than homosexuality ever has. That is all I wrote and wouldn't you know it. I must have been reaching people because I am going to burn in hell.

I must be doing a bang up job. I better get started on the next one right away.

Fuck haters.. I support my gay community first

So, from the picture to the left of this paragraph and from the title of this post you probably know what I am going to talk about. Yes my friends, haters is the subject this time and I have a few of them to choose from.

This is what inspired me to write this post. I wrote about how the gay media was in conflict about the water-gun fight in San Diego which all stemmed from the mudslinging being done in the mayoral race in that city.

One of the candidates is Carl DeMaio who is openly gay. In the last part of my article I said that "if" the gay community in that area want DeMaio in office, there is nothing to be gained by the LGBTQ fighting among each other.

The the underlying principle of my articles is for the gay community to see how powerful of a community we can be when we all work together and to support each other whenever we can.

So, this women literally posts a message, in the comment, section saying that I know nothing of the politics in San Diego and that I am one of those that always use "gay" a deciding factor in my decision. Basically she accused me of being unbiased and not objective. She finishes with the statement that the worst thing ever would be for anybody to believe or read what I write because, I don't know what I am talking about.

After that comment I tried to explain the whole point of my article is for the gay community in San Diego to make up their mind collectively and to pick whatever candidate they choose for office. Just do it together without conflict among the gay community.

This same lady tells me that is not the point of my article at all and my message is not what I was trying to convey. So, I have an angry women telling me, the author of the article, what I was trying to express through my own work. HATER HATER...

I am going to make this real clear. Of course I want the best people in political offices that has my best interest and the best interest of the community at heart. If that happens to be a heterosexual candidate then that is who I will choose but I will always support and listen to a person from my own community no matter what.

Nobody but a gay person will truly understand the hardships we face as gay community. It is the same a being black. Nobody but someone who has been through the hardships of black people will understand the needs of the black community.

So when it comes down to it, if you are gay trying to commit yourself to bettering the needs of the LGBTQ, the gay community should give that person all there attention at least to hear what they have to say. That is what loyalty and unity is all about. I may come to find out that I don't agree with some gay officials but that will not stop me from at least putting in my time to understand.  So, you are damn right I am going to give support to anyone from the gay community that has the interest of the gay community at heart whenever I can. HATE ON THAT!!!

It can be taxing being yourself

Sometimes it is taxing to be yourself. People want to make you into something that you are not, you are trying to find who you are and between all of that, you want to find your place in life.

I like helping people. I enjoy it. I did not know this a few months ago but I enjoy writing about the news and issues that affect the gay community; my community. So far it has been a hit an miss but all in great intention.

I always want to add my own voice, spin and flavor to the mix. Sometimes I get a little overzealous and my objectivity is questioned but my loyalty to uplifting the gay community is never an issue. The most I really about is if people feel what I am trying to convey when I write. I want to do a great job in fulfilling this responsibility of unifying the gay community and displaying the different perspectives in front of my eyes.

It moves me. For the first time in a long time something moves me.

Just like talking about gay relationships, I get great pleasure in passing on my wisdom if possible. The mistakes I have made, I never want anyone to follow in those footsteps though others will probably follow the same path; hopefully the lesson is learned faster by another.

When you get down to it, I just love writing. Whether I am putting in my two cents about issues confronting the LGBTQ, giving relationship advice or expressing myself through my writing art; I use writing to sort out what I can't understand. Sometimes, the most difficult view to interpret is the one right in front of your face.

Hmm...  interesting when you want to travel the path of being who you are. Writing allows me to understand that person a lot easier though the mirror image of that man is not always found in the issues or personal advice that I write about. Perhaps it is different sides just trying to get out but every part of me is filled with the power of being a brother's keeper.

All I can do is hold steady to the person that I am and hold tight to the principles I value dearly. No matter what person I discover to be, my ardent wish is for that person to great so I am able to give the greatest thing I possess to others. My perspective and knowledge.

Thank you Anonymous: Friend of the gay community

So I have some things to say about the hacktivist group Anonymous. First what is a hacktivist group. Well remember the movies hackers that came out in the mid 90's. It was the very first movie you saw Angelina Jolie in. Well, it was about a group of kids that were hackers and they used there gift to harass each other but at the end of the day they stopped a worldwide environmental catastrophe. They had to call on the hackers of the world to help kill the supercomputer that was causing the problem but they got the job done. Just a bunch of nameless faces that cared about something more then themselves. That is what I consider Anonymous to be. 

Anonymous could be your neighbor, your friend, bus driver, school teacher, CEO of a huge corporation, billionaire or  just a poor shmuck walking by your house everyday. Anyone that is in the organization will never tell you because Anonymous is not about fame and glory. They are world activists, not terrorists as law enforcement want you to believe.

Right now they are number one in my book because of the shit they are giving Uganda about the criminalizing  of being gay in that county. Now being a man that is black and gay, you can see why I would give Anonymous a medal. 

I wrote a blog post few months back giving praise to Anonymous for trying to show us the way. There is nothing that can stop a people when we unite. Anonymous may not have money but they have all the resources of the world when all people unite for a common goal. This time the goal just happened to be standing up for the gay brothers and sisters in Uganda. The method cyber warfare. 

The one area where it does not matter if you are short, black, white, yellow or green. On the computer on the the net, you are as powerful as your mind is and at the end of the day, that is what power truly is all about. And let's not forget heart. The thing that allows you to move forward and gives you the will to follow your ideal past the vision into reality.

Well if Anonymous's reality is a world without bigotry, hatred and prejudice then I am all for that vision. Thank you Anonymous for doing what you do best which is opening our eyes. 

Don't hate me because I like "Sex and the City Movie"

OK, so I have to admit it, I enjoy watching the "Sex and the City" movies. I believe it has something to do with the character of Carrie Bradshaw played by Sara Jessica Parker.

You see, she writes about relationships in the Big Apple and I do the same but in the dirty south for gay people. When  you think about it, me and Carrie Bradshaw is not all that different. Actually, if it wasn't for being black, younger, male and gay we would be twins.


Well, at least we have the love of relationships seeing us through. I mean, she writes about love from a 30's aged female perspective when the show was on HBO and from the 40's aged outlook during the movie. She talked about finding relationships, interesting problems, different men but all based in keeping hope alive to find the one.

Me on the other hand, talk about HIV, keeping strong till you get the relationship you want, not being broken down by the partners that leave you and also interesting unique problems from a 30's aged gay man's skeptical point of view. But, no doubt, based in keeping hope alive to find the one.

Sometimes it is hard for me to know if I am more the Carrie Bradshaw or Dr. Drew from MTV's Loveline when he got down and dirty with talking about relationships. Hell, if I had any sense I would study the style of Dr. Ruth. Now there was a person that had no fear whatsoever to talk about any relationship topic.

Well it is 3a.m. kids have a hard day of bring the gay community together tomorrow. Keep it real and stay in love.

Great things could be coming my way

So, there are some great things that could be coming my way. I talked to my friend Bryan Zepp, which by the way, I suggest that everyone goes to his blog and learn some great lessons that I have been fortunate to have access too.

I have talked about Bryan in a couple of blog posts and now he becoming more well known for the work he is doing in Ormond Beach FL with HIV advocacy.

I am honored that Bryan wants to use my articles and work for a presentation that he is working on to present to his group for consideration to be placed on their activist blog.

As someone that takes writing very seriously, if sharing my work helps to further the gay community in any way; I am all for it. The awareness to the community is, of course, a great reward. I have a sense of community and unity that I do my best to convey in my work.

I honestly believe that unity is the base step towards the solution to solve most of the gay community's  problems. Everything from receiving gay-rights to stopping the spread of HIV is done through an ideal more powerful than one gay man.

To have a sense of uplifting the gay community, to be there for someone other than yourself and to have protection within that gay unity is something I strive to convey through my articles and blogs. The community has to want to "by thy neighbor" for each other and understand that the actions we take from this point on should be to help further the community as a whole.

People just don't understand how things can change over night if the LGBTQ knew who we are as a people and what we can accomplish within this world. There are events and points in American history that would have never came about if it was not for the gay community being a part of the fold. We are a people that have and will overcome all odds.

It is important to do more than just believe that the gay community has accomplished much. We should know, without a shadow of a doubt, this community has accomplished very much. Our unity is powerful and we should protect and nurture it, with all costs.

Continue chasing your white rabbit

Hi and if you can't tell from the picture on the left we are going to discuss white rabbits.

This message is very simple. Don't you dare give up on chasing your white rabbit. Everyone has a white rabbit to chase and yours is obtainable but nothing will be gotten from not
 attempting to catch the white rabbit in your life.

Now, what is a white rabbit?  It is your dream baby. It is everything that you always wanted and anything that you can think of. Whatever dream or goal that you have in you, don't you dare stop chasing it. It does not matter about odd.  Who cares about the odds. What matters is that you have something within you that that needs to be fulfilled and nothing short of reaching that dream will make you satisfied.

I have a white rabbit I am chasing now. I want be the best writer I can be to help the gay community through my articles and books. My white rabbit is to get the two books with Publish America finally published. I have another relationship book I would like to publish so I am looking for a literary agent and know nothing about how to accomplish that but I am going to attempt it anyway.

I have never been one to shy away form a white rabbit and you should do the same. Always follow your white rabbit where ever it leads you. I know what you are thinking. Don't worry about failing or being scared. Though we chase that dream with everything we have sometimes it was not meant to be but that does not mean you did not accomplish something along the way.

The journey of chasing a white rabbit is destiny at its best. If anybody ever told you that chasing your white rabbit is bullshit, is talking a lot of bullshit. I got dreams that need to be seen through and I am sure you that everyone reading this post has a goal or destination they need to see to the end.

So, don't you dare talk about the rabbit is too hard to chase. What is to be expected if the white rabbit was easy to catch. Victory is sweeter when the white rabbit is aggressively sought after which makes it unmistakable yours. Continue to follow your white rabbit.

Yes I am The Gay Relationist

So, this post is to answer the question a few of you had about another channel mysteriously popping up with a picture of me with my shirt off. Let me put the rumors to rest. Yes I am "The Gay Relationist."

Now we have to answer the question "What the hell is a relationist?" No, there really is no such word as "relationist" but I figured since everyone has been giving themselves a self-proclaimed title of with "ist" at the end it was bound to be my turn.


If everyone remembers I started out being a column"ist" writing relationship articles which I still do faithfully. Since starting my relationship column and taking on my gay issues column, I realized something. These two subjects I care about deeply.

I am passionate about everyone in the gay community having a relationship they can be proud of, if they so desire. A relationship is not meant for everyone and in the gay community there are so many variances of relationships it is hard to keep track.

Here is the thing, I want people to succeed where I have failed. I want people to  know the happiness that I have felt and how to handle the pain they will go through. A gay relationship is not seamless. There will be rough times that will accompany the smooth ride but no matter what you go through, everyone must admit they need someone in their life. It does not matter if it is a sexual, full-fledged, friends with benefits or just open free-for-all relationship. Everyone needs companionship of some sort or fashion and if you are the type that believes the love between to people is powerful then my column is what you should read because I believe the same thing too.

I dedicated a whole You Tube Channel, Facebook, and Twitter account to the name The Gay Relationist because I felt I was not dedicating enough energy into conveying the message of maintaining, protecting and building a loving gay relationship.

We are a unique people and our relationships reflect that ideal. I truly believe that if you are one that want to have a gay relationship succeed, then I want to share my experiences so that you may learn from my mistakes and we can all be loved together.

Not to sound like Don Cornelius from "Soul Train" but LOVE PEACE AND SOUL. I do believe you can have that special someone even in this gay world that many impossible to have. I want to prove them wrong.

Does the LGBTQ community know our history?

The Washington Post published an article today by an author Georgetown/On Faith which, of course, is a pen name. The name of the article is “Leader of black clergy group: Obama is ‘pandering’ to the homosexual community’” where a letter to President Obama is in the body of the article. In this letter the clergyman asks a very valid question. Where was the gay community when he was running for president?  This man asked a relevant question and the one most qualified to meet his angry resistance with logical means is someone from the community of which he addressed.

“Mr. President, I’m not going to stand with you, and we have thousands of others across this country that are not going to stand with you with this foolishness [about legalizing gay marriage. ...] For the president to bow to the money, as Judas did for Jesus Christ, is a disgrace, and we’re ashamed. [...] We feel Mr. Obama because of the money has bowed to the money people, the homosexual community. We’re the ones who put him where he is. Where was the gay community when he was running for president? The Civil Rights Movement opened the door for him to become president. At this point he’s pandering to the homosexual community. He’s forgotten where he came from, forgotten who put him there.”

The excerpt above is the letter being mentioned. Before we answer any questions let’s address the obvious angry tone in this person’s statement. As you see he compares Barack Obama to a betrayer of biblical proportions. He also claims that President Obama has kowtowed to money which the writer directly accuses the gay community of having a lot of. Lastly, the writer accuses Obama of not being loyal to the people that help but him into office which he identifies as black people.

Now, no one wants to bring up the subject of history but since the subject of the Black Civil Rights Movement was brought up, it is relevant to make sure information is accurate. It was a black openly gay man named Bayard Rustin that helped teach Martin Luther King and the Black Civil Rights Movement the art of nonviolent protest. Not to mention, this same man was a major organizer for the March on Washington. But, those facts are shrewdly written out of the Black and American history books.

The gay community has been there from the beginning but the reason more people do not know about gay history is because history is written by the victors and the victorious ones, in that case, did not want to mention the level of involvement the LGBTQ has in making this country great. It is not in the best interest to the opponents of equality to show gay America how powerful they are. As in the words of the great Malcolm X “If you can convince people they have never accomplished anything then they can never do anything,” and the gay community has accomplished a great deal.

So, the next time someone writes a statement about the Black Civil Rights Movement claiming our President forget where he came from, hopefully they will remember this article and know that no one forgot as one might believe. They just were not told the whole truth.

Thank you to Matthew Perez for keeping me honest

Wow, so this Chick-fil-A debacle has gotten people wound up tight. Between the Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day where some restaurants ran out of chickens and yesterday's National Same-sex Kiss Day where no one wanted to see couples kissing to get chickens; the only thing worth serving was hell on a stick.

Even myself, who has marched for black civil rights and gay civil rights, was hyped over the fact that this gay nation finally was getting down with some action. Change will never happen if you are continuously talking about how to make things better. You have to go out and do something about it.

I wish my readers could have seen the look on my face when I saw an article by a journalist on CNN iReport titled "I am gay and I am support Chick-fil-A".  I could have jumped out of my seat.


Before I go any further I want to thank, Matthew Perez, the author of this three part series on CNN iReport for keeping me honest. You see, as journalists and contributors we can become very passionate about he issues that affect us personally. Matthew has been getting tons of hate mail via e-mail, Facebook and Twitter about the article he wrote that seems to depict a young gay man that actually is supporting Dan Cathy's statement against same-sex marriage.

Now, I wrote and editorial as a counter-stance not to his view of support for Chick-fil-A but to the reasoning of why he would write an article that would make the gay community seem weak and divided. I understand that Matthew was trying to convey his support of free speech and for the gay community not to stoop to a level below being the beautiful alternative people that we are but I was talking more about unity for the LGBTQ community and to show a unified front to any opposition that would support denying the gay community its rights.

At no time did I attack Matthew personally because I understand that we can be on two sides of the coin, agree on the big picture and not agree on the finer points of protest. Not at any point whatsoever is it alright to attack this man personally for the view that he carries about the Chick-fil-A subject but not to play the devil's advocate, Matt does believe in free speech and the hate mail are just anger readers that passionately disagree with his view.

However you understand other people's viewpoints is a fine line but the one belief me and Matt Perez agree on; the worst thing about dirt is that everyone gets dirty and that is a line we don't want to cross.

What is the real purpose of a gay blessing?

When I was a kid, I did not have the images of the white picket fence or the family with a wife, 2.5 kids and 1.25 dogs. I never saw myself fitting into the mainstream demographic. I don’t believe anybody wakes up in the middle night and screams the revelation “I want to marry someone of the same sex!” That seems a little too farfetched even for this dynamic world. Though it may be a genetic marker that determines our sexuality, it takes the courage within a person to help them accept things the way they are. In doing so, a person is not making a choice of what you naturally are, but to make the choice to be as you are.

Part of being who you are is reflected in the relationships we build with others. Stories of joy and pain are told to the world through the examples of your relationships. That includes friends, work-relationships, family or just common bonds but there is no greater of a tale to tell than the journey of love between two souls that finally found each other.

Now, let’s add God into the mix because whether anybody believes in the existence of this being, the faith in the creator of all was before all. Before you were gay, before this nation had problems with same-sex marriage, before we were fighting for our rights and before there was church; there was the individual covenant between you and God. I want to be clear, there is no way in the world I am a religious man of devotional faith. I am a just a gay man that believes everything in this natural world can be questioned but we will not receive all the answers.

Humans are an abundant natural resource in this world. We need each other for survival whether you wish to believe that or not. The natural mechanisms within a human that God has created, such as love, compassion, affection and sex commit us to needing one another. 

The commitment two people share within a relationship is a wonderful act of expression and progression. A relationship pushes the evolutionary chain of our civilization’s existence further, it elevates our world in understanding ourselves plus the things around us and it helps us become closer to the divine, which is before all, that is God.

Simply put, being gay is not a human decision. It is a function of natural creation and whether a person wants to believe the scholars and scientists that have proven this fact with facts, is a moot point. It is the relationship with the creator of all that will have final relevance. This is why the Episcopal Church has decided to not only take on the covenantal mission of acceptance of the gay community but to be a denominational leader of faith to the rest of the religious world who are stuck in static teachings and perspective.

The nation has been turned on its ear as the Episcopal Church recently become the first religious denomination to offer a blessing of same-sex unions to those who wish to partake. A lot of people feel this is the church’s attempt to separate themselves away from the religious pack and use the issue the of same-sex marriage as a hustle or racket to gain support. There are some true believers of faith not to mention conservative members of other religious sects that believe this an attempt among liberals and advocates of the gay community to make an end run around state laws that prohibit civil unions and to push the same-sex legislation further for consideration.

That actually would be a logical perspective except for a few major points. Church and state are supposed to remain separate. Let’s be fair, we can’t expect the government to stay out of the personal lives of its people if the church tries to play God in the halls of Congress. Also, this blessing for same-sex couples is not a marriage ceremony. The church has made the aspect very clear that this blessing is totally separate from a marriage ritual. So, this blessing is nothing legal. I am sure in states where same-sex couples can be married this blessing will be part of the marriage ceremonies offered by the Episcopal Church but it's nothing you can put on a marriage certificate.

So, with these clear and defining boundaries marked by the Episcopal Church itself, what does this blessing have to do with me or any gay individual not of this particular faith? My curiosity truly got the better of me as I called around to several Episcopal churches in my area trying to find the understanding that I seek. I want to take the time to thank Rector David Thompson of St. Bart Episcopal Church in North Augusta for setting my feet of the path of knowledge.

I will make this short and sweet because just read 81 pages of religion so you can get the simple understanding. According to the Episcopal Church’s own doctrine the purpose of the gay blessing is to set apart monogamous Christ filled relationships within their denomination unto the path divine reconciliation of God’s love. They continue a lifelong and never-ending mission to bring people to God’s word through his salvation and God will use this divine relationship as an example. Through a blessed civil union, God will use them to help others to the path of righteousness.

Now let’s get to the point of why the Episcopal Church wants to take on the role of being the religious leader in the gay community. The reconciliation mentioned above is mending or healing through God’s love and they saw a need not only within the walls of their church but in the LGBTQ community altogether.  So, they are doing nothing more than continuing the work they have been ordained to do.

For the Episcopalian faith, religion is not stagnant. It is ever changing with the people and the time. The one thing that remains the same and should be followed is the example of God’s love through grace and salvation.  So, the big questions that remains is, what can this blessing do for me, someone not of the Episcopalian religion? In fact what is this gay blessing supposed to do for someone not of any religious faith? What is the purpose if the blessing is not a marriage ceremony or can’t help in pushing gay political agenda?

The purpose is to show that love encompasses all through the example of these people’s tolerance and acceptance. This particular denomination of faith has put themselves on the line to show us the way, by following the example of Jesus Christ. Though, I am not a man of religion, I understand the calling of wanting to help and support the LGBTQ community. I may not participate in the blessing they provide, but I will partake in the ritual of seeing my relationship and life worthy of this divine value because then I can share my positive experience with everyone. That is the purpose of a blessing.