Don't hate me because I like Johnny Cash

I have some friends that are ragging on me because I happen to like Johnny Cash.  To be more specific I like the movie "Walk the Line". I could go another step further and say I like Joaquin Phoenix but lets not take the cat out of the bag just yet.

There is a lot of similarities between me and Johnny Cash. We both used to live in Nashville, we love the color black, we both had attitudes and we tell "it" like it is. Up until the day he died I believe he lived his life in this fashion.  

Besides Johnny Cash has grit tempered with a little humility. He was not out trying to rule the world he just wanted to feed his family. It was that part of Johnny Cash that allowed him to succeed. 

Oh, and what is success without the closest person in your life telling you that you will not make it.  For him it was his first wife. For me it can be anybody under the sun but I will follow Johnny Cash and Walk the Line anyway.

Countdown to home: more about me

I just got off the phone with my boyfriend. We talked more about me finally coming back permanently to Atlanta to live. This is when I realized that a lot of you don't understand my situation so I wanted to be real and explain some things.

Aiken SC, where I am right now, is the town where I grew up.  It is only a two hour drive from Atlanta Ga. Now, Atlanta is my home.  That is where I met my boyfriend of the last four years and where I know I want to live. 

The is no doubt that one of the reasons I am back in SC is because our relationship started off as a struggle and we had some growing to do. We had no stable foundation.  There were outside people he would let interfere with our relationship and I won't lie there was just too much bullshit from both our parts. 

With all this going on my stepfather has Pulmonary Lung Disease and my family needed me to come back to handle some issues. So for the last 2 years I have been going back and forth splitting my time between Aiken and Atlanta. 

The time I spent here has not been wasted.  Within the last few months I have two book accepted by Publish America for publication, I am succeeding as a writer for Examiner.com, I have made great business contacts, talked to wonderful people that want to see me succeed and above all things I am establishing myself after not working for close to 5 years. I am more than my circumstances so nobody on this planet can take my respect away from me and I want everyone to have the same spirit within themselves. 

It may seem like I got everything together but my life and my attitude really did not click until a few months ago.   I am living day to day like everyone else. I have to make sure my EBT card is in the mail too (heheh)  but soon when I have more I won't forget to invite everyone to dinner if you know what I mean. 

Nobody on the planet Earth

So writing articles is definitely a different animal than writing a story or book. I was in the Writer's Digest Community getting aspects and criticisms on a short story I wrote and this guy with all his infinite wisdom, knowledge, sarcasm and disrespect decided to do me a favor. He corrected and edited my work.

Basically he told me that what I wrote was dribble with a lot of grammar mistakes. Now I need to say that the previous statement is not a direct quote because I would not want anyone to tell me I write complete garbage again. heheheh...

It is all funny to me because he apologized in the beginning for being an asshole. He knew exactly what he was going to do. Although he was completely accurate in the corrections he made he was just a dick about it. Thank God I am me or the comments he made would have totally crushed a regular human being or made them cry.

I enjoy writing stories. I will continue to write stories. There is nobody on this fucking planet Earth that will make me stop writing stories. Anyway who ever said writers make the best editors. That is why editors are here to help improve the work of us writers. He might be the one editing my book that Publish America will be coming out with in the next few months.

More than meets the eye

I was just thinking how many people claim to know the real me. A lot of people know of me and some people know things about me but how many people know me.

There is more to me than meets the eye. A person is not made up of their secrets they are make up of their experiences. You cannot have an experience in this life where you affect no one.  That is impossible. 

What goes around comes around. How many times has someone said that phrase or had to live the consequences of that truth. You do reap what you sew. There is no getting around that. 

I am more than lucky because I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder wondering if the seeds that I planted will not come back to hurt me one day. Unfortunately in that arena some of us are less than unlucky. 

George Zimmerman get bond WTF

I can't believe that George Zimmerman actually got bond for the charge of 2nd degree murder.  It is so surprising to me or should I say it is not surprising at all.

His sorrowful crocodile antics did not fool anybody as he made his so called heartfelt apology to the family of Trayvon Martin. As far as I am concerned it is a hate crime. 

It still sounds like a racial slur to me in the 911 tape not to mention that he profiled Trayvon Martin with the term "these fucking punks" and "these assholes always get away". 

These statements show some sort of recognition of difference in regards to Trayvon in his mind.  Let me be plain and clear. He did not kill Trayvon because he was suspicious he killed him because he was black. That is a hate crime. 

That is why hate crime cases give stiffer mandatory penalties and usually remand or no bail.  They posed a greater danger to the population at large because singling out groups of people puts a person in a predator mode. It is the same with serial rapists and killer.  They target groups of people so they pose more of a danger and threat.

Giving George Zimmerman such a low bond is a joke. 150,000 which 10% is 50,000.  I bet he will pull that out of his hat in a moment.

Another day that ends in "Y"

Everyday can't be a James Bond flick.  It would be nice for a change of pace.  The main thing that is important is that my stepfather is ok.

I check on him as much as I possibly can without letting him know I check on him. He spends a lot of time on the porch or sitting out in the yard so I always find myself peeking out the windows to make sure he is alright. 

He has some sort of Pulmonary Lung Disorder which I am trying to find out about as much as possible. He is taking a new medication so I am learning about that as well. 

I just don't want him to feel less of a man as if he is some sort of a child that has to be checked on every few minutes. After he had those strokes that one year I promised myself as long as my eyes can see I will be watching for his health.  

You have to be careful though. The one thing he don't want to be is bothered with something but it beats not wanting to be right about everything.  

When did I become a somebody

Very recently I have been asked to attend some social events in Atlanta that is usually only open to the elite of Atlanta's high class population.  Before I go any further let me say thank you to everyone that has given an invitation.

This got me to thinking.  When did I actually become a somebody?  I don't think or write that statement with sarcasm in my heart I really am wondering when did the words the I write gained value. I was not even sure people were feeling what I was saying let alone reading my work all together.

No this is no modest attempt at modesty. I guess there is a part of me that appreciate that Atlanta believes in me when I had a hard time believing in myself.  Remember I only started to take writing seriously about a year ago.  I have a long way to go before I become another Truman Capote but it is my goal.

In the meantime I will do my best to attend some of these events and stop keeping to myself so much.  I have to join the world of the living as they say.

A question from one of my fans

I am watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta and I am wondering why we as black people can't show a little pride in ourselves and just congratulate the success another black person can obtain.

Nene, Cynthia, Phadrea and Kandi are all on profitable successful roads that I hope will lead them to much joy and fulfillment. Should I say it simply "Just do the damn thing."  

It makes me a little concerned that with so much bickering and arguing that they forgot where they all have came from. Each traveled a road of life that were meant for them.  Depending on how you look at it could be positive or negative but it definitely is parallel. 

Some of my fans have asked why do I always write about doing drugs in my series.  I guess a few of you might see it as negative but what you call negative I call real.

Truman Capote was the same way.  He wrote novellas that put the perception of hard knock life right in the front yard of mainstream America. They may have not liked what they saw but what they saw was real. 

The gay lifestyle has its hard knock life as well.  I have lived it, I know it and I see it for what it is.  Don't turn your eyes now because it is hard for you to look at. 

We can't be great at everything

So I came to the conclusion that I suck at writing sci-fi.  The problem is that I get too wrapped up in my stories,  I always have seen myself as the main character in my work.  I tend to write in first person omnipresent POV.

Whether the story is fiction or real I can feel the main character's power or pain. On the other hand it puts my mind in the past because I always feel like I have been through the triumph or tragedy.  If I can't feel the story how can I expect my fans or readers to be in the story with me. 

To end my excerpt trilogy I have an section of writing from where it all began.  Here is a small sample from the first segment of my series FOR THE LOVE OF.  As usual thank you for reading it and I hope you all enjoy it. 

I remember driving down to Atlanta one weekend and getting really worried about David.  We discussed about meeting up that night but I was not sure where he lived. The plan was to call him from the Ansley Mall off Monroe so I could get directions to his house.  

When I got to the designated spot and called David he would not pick up the phone. I started to call him every thirty minutes.  I knew something was surely wrong. 

He finally got back to me and it was good thing too.  Hell, I did not know how to get to his house. While talking to him on the phone the first thing that he said was “Now when you get here please don't say I told you so.” Something was up.  

When I got to David’s house he basically told about being jacked by one of his “friend’s” cousin when he invited both of them to his home. David decided to have a little fun before I came down to visit. 

He said that he knew his friend for a while but he never met the guy’s cousin at all. So while putting a little spin on the game of Monopoly by putting some spanking rules in this dude's cousin took out a knife and stole about one-hundred and fifty bucks and cut my friend on the arm pretty bad. 

I drove David to the hospital where I stayed with him until he got stitched up.  It took about four hours all together. I was a real friend or at least I thought I was trying to be.  After that night I called him a few times but could not get him to answer the phone. 

When I went back to Atlanta some months later I saw him out at the club but I would not talk to him. He came up to me after the club was closed.   He told me that he had depression and the symptoms that comes along with it.  More than he can realize I knew exactly what he was feeling and talking about. 

I may look like a fool

So I may not be as single as I thought.   My boyfriend wanted to have a text message conversation over the internet as usual. We can't have serious conversations in person or at least over the phone.  No, it has to be over the internet.

So he expressed how he was mad at a few things but it could not be about me.  We have not seen each other for a little while with me visiting my hometown of Aiken SC and him bouncing around so much. 

He said the last time we were together we did not spend a lot of time with each other.  Well  that is not my fault.  He was the one helping everyone else as much as possible. He also said that I acted like I did not want to talk to him. I told him I have a blog, a column and books I am trying to write.  

Do I look like a fool? He knows that if he really needs me I will drop all things to listen to what he has to say but he never had need of me to ever do that. So it makes me think is everything alight with him?  If I ask him he will just give me the same old man answer of "everything is ok". 

I guess my book and my work is never done.

New day same story

Posting the excerpt from my second book was a very good feeling.  Publish America has been at it for four months and of course a lot of people seem to have nothing but bad words to say about them. All I know is that they kept to everything they contractually promised.  They said I was supposed to get a one dollar advance for my book and they sent me a dollar check which I hang on my wall with pride.

Publish America e-mailed me today to tell me they actually started on the production of my book.  The cover will soon be done and I should have something to review in a few weeks.  I am very excited to see what they have done with my work.

I dedicate my books to all those that called me crazy. You gave me fuel to write what nobody wanted to hear.

I may be single

A few days ago I was just told by my boyfriend of four years that I have not been happy in our relationship for quite a while now. After that he gave this strange goodbye in his message like he was breaking up with me.  It took a few days to contemplate what really was going with him and what is going on in my life.

First how is somebody going to tell another person how they feel in any situation. I realized he has done that a lot in our relationship instead of asking me how I felt. 

Second I am a gay relationship columnist.  How was I going be an expert in gay relationships when I can't seem to make my own work?  Then I figured out I have to be me and give my readers and fans what they want and need. My job is to give what knowledge and wisdom to you that I can from the good, bad and ugly.  However it is my wish to show you all what is beautiful. 

Third if I am single now I don't have time to shut down. I have a world out there that needs exploring.  We can help each other and I plan to put all my energy into that so help me Jesus. hehehehe. 

So I got news for all the so called "stable people".  There is more of us that go through problems than there are of you that feel you have your life together.

Time to get on the soul train.  LOVE PEACE and SOUL.  

I apologize

I want to apologize to everyone.  First I know there are some bloggers that post everyday and I will do my best to do that.   You see I had a whole other profile and blog I felt that me and my boyfriend learned enough from and he was right in telling me take it down.

I go through pain efforts to understand the subjects that I write about.   When I write I want to bring you a reality that is more real and life like than you can possibly imagine.

I write reality novellas.  I write short novels made from the real experiences that I witnessed first hand or been through at first light.  While I am on this rant I wanted to thank my boyfriend Michael Rose who performed to the excellence and style he is always capable of doing.  I wanted to know what it was like to be treated like a piece of garbage this last weekend and he set that up with vigor and diligence.

Every time that I write a knew novella the first thing he asks me is "Do you know how that feels?"  He does his best and I hope to live up to the challenge.  My next book "More Than Words on a Page" is something I believe will capture the child in all of us of just wanting to be loved and wanting to be innocent.

If you do not see an article from me on Examiner don't be afraid it is just me recovering from the last weekend but I promise more will be in store a week head as I write the forth part of my novella series.