Monday, April 30, 2012

I had a hallucination about Dr. Drew

So, I am watching Dr, Drew as I normally do every night and I am realizing something. Dr Drew is hot. Now, I need to clarify something. I have always found Dr. Drew hot and Anderson Cooper would come in a very accepting second. He has always been attractive to me every since I saw him on MTV's Loveline but I am sure this a fine illusion that will ever happen.

Now we get to my hallucination/fantasy. This happened about a year ago when I was living off Peachtree, It was a very hot day and I was walking past the Super 8 Motel, close to SCAD on Peachtree. It was rush hour and so many cars were passing by. I could have sworn people were looking at me from inside their cars as if they recognized me. All of a sudden I saw Dr Drew driving by, but he looked mad as hell at me like I talked about his mama or something. Our eyes met and he sped off like he wanted to run over me. 

Now whether that was him or not I can't sure. Of course you a reading a blog from a guy that had an argument with a security guard that turned out to be Eddie Griffin and saw Anne Rice all in the same day. 


Sunday, April 29, 2012

My 6th grade music teacher

This is going to be so dumb but I was just thinking about when I was in 6th grade.  I went to Schofield Middle in my hometown of Aiken SC. The school was made up of a rough crowd when I went there. It definitely was not up to par like it is now.

Back then, you had music class and the music room was a small trailer, out back, separate from the rest of the school. My music teacher was great. I can't remember his name but the thing I remember most about him was the colorful mismatched pants he would always wear.  When I look back on it now, there is now doubt in my mind he was gay. 

There is a song that plays in my head.  The words go "I went down to a party.  It was Me and Ben and Mac. And before I knew what happened. I got an itchin on my back.  Scratch, Scratch me back.  Scratch, Scratch me back.  It really is a fact.  The less I itch the more I scratch."

I know it is stupid but we sung children's songs.  For some damn reason, that song stuck out in my mind the most. 

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Like I was not expecting blow back

Wow is all that I can say about some of the messages that I have received about the article that I wrote yesterday and today. I feel there are a some of you that may have not understood the reasons I am writing this series in the first place and my standpoint on Atheism as a whole.

The main reason I am writing this series is because there is a great number of the LGBT population migrating over to Atheism. Before I go any further I want to make this clear. I have no issues or prejudice against Atheism or anybody that is an atheist. If you do not believe in God that is your right. I personally believe in God but I can be friends with atheists and God fearing people alike as long as we keep our religion or lack of religion in the closet. Anyway you will find that most atheists don't want to have a debate with everyone about their belief of God not being real.

The first problem I have is that so many gay people are going to the other side of the fence because of the way they have been treated by modern day religious believers of the faith and society as a whole. I believe a lot of gay individuals (NOT ALL) are turning to Atheism because they are hurt and let's face it; why identify yourself with anything that don't want you the way you are? They are told over and over by the religious keepers of the word that they are going to hell because gay is a sin but they can't change who they are. In the meantime they are being disrespected constantly.  I don't blame any gay person for going a different route.

My second problem is that some organizations use Atheism as a platform to push their own personal agenda. The Black Atheists of Atlanta should call themselves "The Militant Anti-Gay Racists that happen to be Atheist of Atlanta". The same goes for any white organization that hates blacks or feminist organization. There are genuine atheists that take this culture seriously. It is not a hustle for them.  Real atheists are disrespected by groups that use Atheism to spread their message of hate or ill will.

My last problem is that some gay men and women are going into Atheism with misconceptions and anger in their heart looking for acceptance. Before you enter into any type of organization or belief you should learn about what you are getting into. Enter into it with a sound mind and content heart. I have no problem with someone wanting to be an atheist but I have a problem with converting for the wrong reason.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Reuben Lack For President

This situation with Reuben Lack is disturbing my spirit. He is a brilliant 18yo high school student who, in my eyes, is facing a battle that he should not have to fight.

When you are in high school you should not have to take on the burden of fighting discrimination especially on behalf of another group. He is straight and his school's administration showed their disloyalty by removing him from a position he earned because he brought up a gay topic to the student's attention.

He is fighting our battle LGBT community and we can't let him do it alone. Click the link below and sign the petition so that Reuben Lack can give his graduation speech.

If you still don't know the whole story please visit and read "All-call for Reuben Lack".

Thursday, April 26, 2012

You are now looking at Atlanta's new gay issues Examiner

Hi everyone. I am very excited to take on the position of being the new Atlanta Gay Issue Examiner.  I already write a column as Atlanta's Gay Relationship Examiner and want to say thank you to everyone that supports me and reads my articles.

I say and write this all the time but writing is something I recently decided to take seriously. I had major doubts that I was any good at writing or if I could write informative articles that anyone would enjoy. I can see by the fans that recognize me, by the number of readers to my column and by the interaction in the social media that you really do appreciate my work. There is no doubt I appreciate all of you as well.

When I first approached the idea of writing hyperlocally it overwhelmed me at first but there is enough city in Atlanta to go around. My next project is wanting to be a correspondent for the network GAYTV so I might be on TV soon so wish me luck.

Don't forget to tweet "Reuben Lack for President" because this young man, though he is straight, was put down  by his high school administration because he stood up for our rights. Please read the article at and don't let him tackle this battle alone.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Don't hate me because I like Johnny Cash

I have some friends that are ragging on me because I happen to like Johnny Cash.  To be more specific I like the movie "Walk the Line". I could go another step further and say I like Joaquin Phoenix but lets not take the cat out of the bag just yet.

There is a lot of similarities between me and Johnny Cash. We both used to live in Nashville, we love the color black, we both had attitudes and we tell "it" like it is. Up until the day he died I believe he lived his life in this fashion.  

Besides Johnny Cash has grit tempered with a little humility. He was not out trying to rule the world he just wanted to feed his family. It was that part of Johnny Cash that allowed him to succeed. 

Oh, and what is success without the closest person in your life telling you that you will not make it.  For him it was his first wife. For me it can be anybody under the sun but I will follow Johnny Cash and Walk the Line anyway.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Countdown to home: more about me

I just got off the phone with my boyfriend. We talked more about me finally coming back permanently to Atlanta to live. This is when I realized that a lot of you don't understand my situation so I wanted to be real and explain some things.

Aiken SC, where I am right now, is the town where I grew up.  It is only a two hour drive from Atlanta Ga. Now, Atlanta is my home.  That is where I met my boyfriend of the last four years and where I know I want to live. 

The is no doubt that one of the reasons I am back in SC is because our relationship started off as a struggle and we had some growing to do. We had no stable foundation.  There were outside people he would let interfere with our relationship and I won't lie there was just too much bullshit from both our parts. 

With all this going on my stepfather has Pulmonary Lung Disease and my family needed me to come back to handle some issues. So for the last 2 years I have been going back and forth splitting my time between Aiken and Atlanta. 

The time I spent here has not been wasted.  Within the last few months I have two book accepted by Publish America for publication, I am succeeding as a writer for, I have made great business contacts, talked to wonderful people that want to see me succeed and above all things I am establishing myself after not working for close to 5 years. I am more than my circumstances so nobody on this planet can take my respect away from me and I want everyone to have the same spirit within themselves. 

It may seem like I got everything together but my life and my attitude really did not click until a few months ago.   I am living day to day like everyone else. I have to make sure my EBT card is in the mail too (heheh)  but soon when I have more I won't forget to invite everyone to dinner if you know what I mean. 

Monday, April 23, 2012

Nobody on the planet Earth

So writing articles is definitely a different animal than writing a story or book. I was in the Writer's Digest Community getting aspects and criticisms on a short story I wrote and this guy with all his infinite wisdom, knowledge, sarcasm and disrespect decided to do me a favor. He corrected and edited my work.

Basically he told me that what I wrote was dribble with a lot of grammar mistakes. Now I need to say that the previous statement is not a direct quote because I would not want anyone to tell me I write complete garbage again. heheheh...

It is all funny to me because he apologized in the beginning for being an asshole. He knew exactly what he was going to do. Although he was completely accurate in the corrections he made he was just a dick about it. Thank God I am me or the comments he made would have totally crushed a regular human being or made them cry.

I enjoy writing stories. I will continue to write stories. There is nobody on this fucking planet Earth that will make me stop writing stories. Anyway who ever said writers make the best editors. That is why editors are here to help improve the work of us writers. He might be the one editing my book that Publish America will be coming out with in the next few months.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

More than meets the eye

I was just thinking how many people claim to know the real me. A lot of people know of me and some people know things about me but how many people know me.

There is more to me than meets the eye. A person is not made up of their secrets they are make up of their experiences. You cannot have an experience in this life where you affect no one.  That is impossible. 

What goes around comes around. How many times has someone said that phrase or had to live the consequences of that truth. You do reap what you sew. There is no getting around that. 

I am more than lucky because I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder wondering if the seeds that I planted will not come back to hurt me one day. Unfortunately in that arena some of us are less than unlucky. 

Saturday, April 21, 2012

What is your white rabbit

I am sitting here looking at Alice in Wonderland contemplating the scene of Alice following the white rabbit. It was something that she felt compelled to chase.

We all have a white rabbit you know.  Something in our lives that we feel compelled to chase.  A dream, a goal or  something within us that we will continue to chase until we finally have what we want. 

My white rabbit is not to be the best writer in the world but to have my reality novellas tell my stories my way. I don't care about being the best I just want to be real. I have realities in me that need to be read and that is the white rabbit I am chasing. 

What is your white rabbit?

Friday, April 20, 2012

George Zimmerman get bond WTF

I can't believe that George Zimmerman actually got bond for the charge of 2nd degree murder.  It is so surprising to me or should I say it is not surprising at all.

His sorrowful crocodile antics did not fool anybody as he made his so called heartfelt apology to the family of Trayvon Martin. As far as I am concerned it is a hate crime. 

It still sounds like a racial slur to me in the 911 tape not to mention that he profiled Trayvon Martin with the term "these fucking punks" and "these assholes always get away". 

These statements show some sort of recognition of difference in regards to Trayvon in his mind.  Let me be plain and clear. He did not kill Trayvon because he was suspicious he killed him because he was black. That is a hate crime. 

That is why hate crime cases give stiffer mandatory penalties and usually remand or no bail.  They posed a greater danger to the population at large because singling out groups of people puts a person in a predator mode. It is the same with serial rapists and killer.  They target groups of people so they pose more of a danger and threat.

Giving George Zimmerman such a low bond is a joke. 150,000 which 10% is 50,000.  I bet he will pull that out of his hat in a moment.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

IPV (intimate partner violence)

I just did an article today talking about IPV.  I learned the phrase when I was doing research on the CDC website.  There is a section dealing with domestic violence prevention and they kept using the terminology IPV.

I believe this term is more suited for everybody no matter if you are black, white, straight or gay it does not matter.  This phrase really shows that the amount of abuse among both relationship sets are about equal.

Sad is it not.  We as a gay community ask for equal rights in everything we possibly can but in a way life has already done that.  When it comes to depressions, aggravation, domestic violence, abuse, crime, poverty and all ills we all have the same rights as everybody else and just like jello there is always room for more.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

More than words on a page

I am a writer.  Never claimed to be the  best in the business but being the most real as possible I am shooting for the title.

This short story I would like to turn into a novella and I can use input from my fans and readers.  I am trying to capture rage, anger and betrayal in unlimited proportions.  

This is nothing more than just words a page right now. (no pun intended) It is nothing special and not edited I would like to know how people feel when they read it. I hope Capote was guiding my pen. 

Hope you all enjoy it. 

I didn’t ask to be on the ground in the heart of East Atlanta.  I look like some cracked out zombie with no gauge hope and no desire of wanting to return from which I came.  

I know I am a fool to wait out here for a man that cares very little about what happens to me.  The most recent events still slides up and down my brain and my desire is to not allow the thought to leave.  I am more addicted to the anger than I am to the drug.

I am waiting in the van with Lydia, who is nothing more than bad taste and bullshit all rolled into one. Mark was talking to Sam about me staying at their place.  The next thing you hear is yelling.

“Take that lying nigger with you” yelled Sam.

I never would have thought that could come out of his mouth.  I have been there for Sam since his boyfriend threw him down the stairs and he was a sketchy mess.   I remember a skinny tweaked out frail guy walking back and forth between some entrance way and his truck.

I said “Hey man are you ok. You have to be careful.  The police are out here and you are looking sketchier than hell.”

“Yeah man I am fine” he quietly said.

I was surprised that he was able to squeak those words out. It is interesting reminiscing about times that are easily forgotten by others.People tend to let go of hurt they have caused and the hurtful always pray for forgiveness but not for judgment.

Reminiscing has to wait.  I see Mark finally have graced me with his presence. It is only two hours past my emergency call for help.  I am sure in relationships where two people care about each other deeply a lack of urgency for your partner’s emergency request is always common.  This is what he calls love.

“You alright Grant.  You want something to eat.”

I see that Mark is energized and healthy after a night of partying with some random bastard.

“I don’t want anything to eat Mark. You know what I want. I want to get hi for once and have a good time.  You don’t even have to worry about what happens to me afterwards.”

Mark is looking at me as if a ghost has spoken to him. 

“Come on Grant lets sit down over here and talk.”

That is his code word he always uses when he needed to take control of a scenario. You see his main concern was how to get me out of his hair that way I am no longer a bother to him.  The crack whore Mark fictionally created can be erased with the same stroke of his hand that put me into existence.  

“So what do you want to talk about Mark?”

He looks fake and calm while trying to play this sick game of being rational.  He did just as much ice as I did. I saw with my own eyes and I don’t care how many so called denials he will spit out from that forked tongue of his.

“Let’s talk about what you told me earlier.”

“Which part baby.  The part that I feel more helpless and hopeless at my so called home in SC than I do in any other place or the part of wanting to just overdose on the street like a common junkie so I can be out of your way.”

“You don’t believe that Grant. What about your writing?”

“I don’t even know if I am good at it. I can’t get any help with it whatsoever.  Nobody reads what I write.  I started writing to try and do something with what pitiful part of my godforsaken life I have left.  They are just words on a page. They don’t mean anything.”

I got the words coming out of my mouth but I could not stop my feelings from exploding all over the place. Doubt, despair and depression has soaked in me and found this point as the proper time to raise hell.

“Grant you don’t believe that.  You seem to change like night and day when you party.”

“Mark I am so tired of you saying that same shit every time you claim to want to have a serious conversation.  Here is a news flash.  These feelings have always been in me. They did not just start. I have been angry at many things you just never cared to hear them no matter what state I am in.”

I meant every word I said. I am so tired of Mark wanting to prove himself right.  That part of him was more important than truth ever was.   I can’t believe how many times he has left me on corners or lied about anything that you can think of.  

The one thing we both agree on is that the choices I made have allowed him to do this to me again. I have not learned my lesson.  Once again I put myself in the position of not taking care of myself.

When will I understand that Mark does not do anything unless it benefits him.  How easily he can discard someone is next to sociopathic.  

“So what do you want to do now Grant.”

“Don’t worry about it.  I told you want I wanted to do.”

Mark went into his wallet and took out thirty five dollars.  He glanced back and forth to make sure that I was not looking to see what he had in his billfold.  He insults me with such behavior. I have never stolen anything from him and he treats me like some sort of rat filth.

“This is all the money I have so don’t ask for anymore.”

What an asshole.  I asked for a boyfriend and I get thirty-five dollars that was given in an apprehensive fashion. I am sure later when all the dust clears and I am back in my hopeless home he will tell me how everything is my fault but yet he forgives me. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Another day that ends in "Y"

Everyday can't be a James Bond flick.  It would be nice for a change of pace.  The main thing that is important is that my stepfather is ok.

I check on him as much as I possibly can without letting him know I check on him. He spends a lot of time on the porch or sitting out in the yard so I always find myself peeking out the windows to make sure he is alright. 

He has some sort of Pulmonary Lung Disorder which I am trying to find out about as much as possible. He is taking a new medication so I am learning about that as well. 

I just don't want him to feel less of a man as if he is some sort of a child that has to be checked on every few minutes. After he had those strokes that one year I promised myself as long as my eyes can see I will be watching for his health.  

You have to be careful though. The one thing he don't want to be is bothered with something but it beats not wanting to be right about everything.  

Monday, April 16, 2012

When did I become a somebody

Very recently I have been asked to attend some social events in Atlanta that is usually only open to the elite of Atlanta's high class population.  Before I go any further let me say thank you to everyone that has given an invitation.

This got me to thinking.  When did I actually become a somebody?  I don't think or write that statement with sarcasm in my heart I really am wondering when did the words the I write gained value. I was not even sure people were feeling what I was saying let alone reading my work all together.

No this is no modest attempt at modesty. I guess there is a part of me that appreciate that Atlanta believes in me when I had a hard time believing in myself.  Remember I only started to take writing seriously about a year ago.  I have a long way to go before I become another Truman Capote but it is my goal.

In the meantime I will do my best to attend some of these events and stop keeping to myself so much.  I have to join the world of the living as they say.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

A question from one of my fans

I am watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta and I am wondering why we as black people can't show a little pride in ourselves and just congratulate the success another black person can obtain.

Nene, Cynthia, Phadrea and Kandi are all on profitable successful roads that I hope will lead them to much joy and fulfillment. Should I say it simply "Just do the damn thing."  

It makes me a little concerned that with so much bickering and arguing that they forgot where they all have came from. Each traveled a road of life that were meant for them.  Depending on how you look at it could be positive or negative but it definitely is parallel. 

Some of my fans have asked why do I always write about doing drugs in my series.  I guess a few of you might see it as negative but what you call negative I call real.

Truman Capote was the same way.  He wrote novellas that put the perception of hard knock life right in the front yard of mainstream America. They may have not liked what they saw but what they saw was real. 

The gay lifestyle has its hard knock life as well.  I have lived it, I know it and I see it for what it is.  Don't turn your eyes now because it is hard for you to look at. 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

We can't be great at everything

So I came to the conclusion that I suck at writing sci-fi.  The problem is that I get too wrapped up in my stories,  I always have seen myself as the main character in my work.  I tend to write in first person omnipresent POV.

Whether the story is fiction or real I can feel the main character's power or pain. On the other hand it puts my mind in the past because I always feel like I have been through the triumph or tragedy.  If I can't feel the story how can I expect my fans or readers to be in the story with me. 

To end my excerpt trilogy I have an section of writing from where it all began.  Here is a small sample from the first segment of my series FOR THE LOVE OF.  As usual thank you for reading it and I hope you all enjoy it. 

I remember driving down to Atlanta one weekend and getting really worried about David.  We discussed about meeting up that night but I was not sure where he lived. The plan was to call him from the Ansley Mall off Monroe so I could get directions to his house.  

When I got to the designated spot and called David he would not pick up the phone. I started to call him every thirty minutes.  I knew something was surely wrong. 

He finally got back to me and it was good thing too.  Hell, I did not know how to get to his house. While talking to him on the phone the first thing that he said was “Now when you get here please don't say I told you so.” Something was up.  

When I got to David’s house he basically told about being jacked by one of his “friend’s” cousin when he invited both of them to his home. David decided to have a little fun before I came down to visit. 

He said that he knew his friend for a while but he never met the guy’s cousin at all. So while putting a little spin on the game of Monopoly by putting some spanking rules in this dude's cousin took out a knife and stole about one-hundred and fifty bucks and cut my friend on the arm pretty bad. 

I drove David to the hospital where I stayed with him until he got stitched up.  It took about four hours all together. I was a real friend or at least I thought I was trying to be.  After that night I called him a few times but could not get him to answer the phone. 

When I went back to Atlanta some months later I saw him out at the club but I would not talk to him. He came up to me after the club was closed.   He told me that he had depression and the symptoms that comes along with it.  More than he can realize I knew exactly what he was feeling and talking about. 

Friday, April 13, 2012

Excerpt from my book Perspective

Hi everybody. I want to say thank you to Ahmett for sharing his online book that he has been working on.  In fact I want to say thank you to everyone that wanted me to see their writing and there has been a few of you.

I enjoy writing.  I like writing for a purpose and sometimes I like writing for just plain amusement but nobody is counted out in my book. No matter what you do keep the keys on your keyboard pressed and write till your pens are out of ink.

So this is a small excerpt from a novella I have been writing called Perspective. After seeing what has happened with Trayvon Martin and how everybody did not waste time in search for justice I decided to take the same calling for a boy name Stephon Carter in my hometown of Aiken SC.  

A boy of 19yo should not have the death penalty on his heels let alone know what it is like to be an accused murder of a police officer.  I wrote this book to express the concerns of change I see sweeping through not only my town but a nation. I hope you all enjoy it.


I decided to walk down Abbeville Ave pass Greenville St and come up to Hampton Ave from a side street.   Walking that route again was refreshing and it recharged me for some reason. Now being a man I see that I made the right decisions so that I can walk with the past and not doomed to repeat it.  I was coming up on Hampton Ave and I heard sirens but they did not sound like the usual ambulance or police car. 

When I finally reached the intersection of Hampton Ave and Lauren St I saw cars and trucks filling up both sides of the road.  It was an astonishing sight to see.  I did not know that many cars could fill the street like that.  I see flashing lights out the corner of my eye and hear the click clack of something tapping on the road. 

I looked to my right and finally saw where the lights and weird sounds were coming from.  It is a funeral procession.  I walked further down Hampton Ave and found a vacant lot on top of a hill to get the best view of the street.  I cannot believe how long this procession is.  Even on top of the hill I could not see the end of the line. 

The first car was the police clearing the way of course but there are so many different police cars from different jurisdictions.  Once that part of the caravan was finished there were two of the most beautiful horses I ever did see.  They are white as snow and the mane looked like soft silk.  They are pulling a funeral wagon which looked like something out of the movie.

Seeing all those cars move to each side of the road when the wagon came was like watching Moses part the red sea.  There were so many I could not keep count.  There were cars from all over the country that came to this person's funeral.  People came from Georgia, California, North Carolina, New York and Alabama.  The only reason I could think of for someone having such a lavish funeral is that the guy was rich. 

They are  burying the man at Bethany Cemetery right at the same intersection I am standing across from.  That particular cemetery has been there for years.  My father use to tell me stories how that place was the white cemetery and the cemetery down the street from my house was where the black people were buried at back in the day.  Bethany Cemetery is a very beautiful spot and I sure whoever they buried there was going to surely rest in peace. 

I started to hear some voices in the distance that caught up to ear shot fast.  People are chanting coming from the right side of my direction.  I looked all around and at first I did not see where the noise was coming from exactly but I saw white signs through some of the bushes. 

People are protesting at the funeral.  At first I thought “Can you protest a man getting buried?”

They were chanting “Free Shawn Corey, free Shawn Corey!”

I have never been at a funeral where there was a protest going on.  Hell, I was not planning on being a part of this funeral it was just by sheer coincidence that I ran upon the event. With the chanting of these nice people it is no longer a mystery who the funeral was for. This funeral is for Samuel Rivers the cop that was killed some days ago. 

For some reason these people felt the need to disrespect the proceedings by insulting the dead.  I feel a bit of rage in the actions of a few.  If people believe what is happening to Shawn Corey is wrong then have a community meeting, rally to raise money for a better defense lawyer or go out and gather support for his cause.  There is no need to interfere with the dead by using the problems of the living.  Samuel Rivers did his part in life now it is for him to have his time to rest.  

I may look like a fool

So I may not be as single as I thought.   My boyfriend wanted to have a text message conversation over the internet as usual. We can't have serious conversations in person or at least over the phone.  No, it has to be over the internet.

So he expressed how he was mad at a few things but it could not be about me.  We have not seen each other for a little while with me visiting my hometown of Aiken SC and him bouncing around so much. 

He said the last time we were together we did not spend a lot of time with each other.  Well  that is not my fault.  He was the one helping everyone else as much as possible. He also said that I acted like I did not want to talk to him. I told him I have a blog, a column and books I am trying to write.  

Do I look like a fool? He knows that if he really needs me I will drop all things to listen to what he has to say but he never had need of me to ever do that. So it makes me think is everything alight with him?  If I ask him he will just give me the same old man answer of "everything is ok". 

I guess my book and my work is never done.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

New day same story

Posting the excerpt from my second book was a very good feeling.  Publish America has been at it for four months and of course a lot of people seem to have nothing but bad words to say about them. All I know is that they kept to everything they contractually promised.  They said I was supposed to get a one dollar advance for my book and they sent me a dollar check which I hang on my wall with pride.

Publish America e-mailed me today to tell me they actually started on the production of my book.  The cover will soon be done and I should have something to review in a few weeks.  I am very excited to see what they have done with my work.

I dedicate my books to all those that called me crazy. You gave me fuel to write what nobody wanted to hear.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


So I am in a good mood about blogging and learning a lot. I talk about my third book and a few of my readers asked me where the first two segments to the series are.  They are being edited and produced by Publish America. I also want to take the time to thank them for giving my book the chance it deserves.

You will not believe all the rip off publishers out there that is just about getting your money and want to talk bad about other publishers like Publish America.  Publish America has not asked me for a dime and I can't wait to see what they have produced out the work I have given them.

Until then please enjoy the excerpt from the second segment of my series For The Love Of(verse two)

A few months ago I came into Atlanta early Friday morning on the bus. Miles was so cool to pay for the bus ticket but he told me that two hundred dollars of his money was stolen. He was playing with some guys right before I came into town and one of the guys that was there was supposed to get some tina for him.  This guy left and never came back after finding out Miles was going to buy a bus ticket for me.  When he told me that something in me did not set right and it kept in my mind like some sort of mystery to solve. 

Soon as I got there I tried to get in touch with Mitchell to let him know where I was and what had been going on but he was nowhere to be found. 

Saturday night came around and I remembered Miles asked if it was alright to have only him and me in the house that day and not invite anyone else over. It was fine with me but he could not keep to his word for nothing. 

That same evening some guy called and Miles gave him the ok to come over. I did not say anything about it but I did offer to pay for the cab ride when the guy got there.  When this guy showed up Miles insisted that he would go out and pay for the cab fare himself. Now he was already hi as hell in the bed naked but he insisted to do so.  I said ok and he left out to make his way to the front gate.  Twenty minutes went by and I kind of wondered what happened to him.  I figured Miles wanted some alone time to talk to him before he came in.

Well I was in the bathroom and I heard someone yelling my name.  It was Miles yelling for me from outside the front door.  He had crawled all the way to his apartment from the gate.  It seems that when he got to the cab he forgot his wallet which had his money and gate key.  So instead of walking all the way around to the call box, which would have allowed him to call me so I could let him in, he jumps over the fence like the six million dollar man and sprained both his ankles like a ten dollar ho. 

I helped him inside where I called the ambulance but he insisted that I take his friend's truck and leave for a while.  Why would he not want me there for when the ambulance showed?  Maybe he thought it would be too many questions. Whatever the case I took the keys and left out. I did not want to disrespect his wishes but I felt so bad by leaving.

I felt like I was betraying him. When he needed me the most here I was leaving out.  I wondered around for a little while and soon came back to the apartment. His place was a mess from the time of entering in the door.  With him finally gone it gave me the opportunity to clean.  I called Miles on the phone early morning and thank God he was alright. 

The doctors in the emergency room put two soft casts on his legs. I picked him up later that morning from Piedmont Hospital. We stopped and filled the prescription doctor wrote out for him before we went back to his apartment. 

Now in-between all the stuff that was happening Miles’s laptop got messed up somehow and I had another computer I was trying to fix.  He was like a little kid.  Miles yelled at me all day and was being a real asshole. It got to the point I had to get a hotel room across the street just to get some peace so I could work on the both computers. 

When I came back to make sure Miles was alright he was one the ground asleep next to his flat screen TV.  He was supposed to stay in bed according to the doctor for the first week.  Moving around too much could cause more physical problems which could call for surgery. When I saw him on the ground I asked what he was doing on the floor but he gave me another lie as usual.

I started cooking his dinner hoping that would calm him down.  Miles tore into me some more and while I was cooking his food he cussed me out and I will never forget to this day what he told me. 

He said  “ You are a worthless son of a bitch that will not amount to anything and that I did not deserve to have anyone love me and that he hopes I know what it is like to be alone all the days of my life.” 

After fixing his dinner, serving him and us eating I went back to the hotel.  When I say I was not going to go back until morning I was very apt to keeping my word.  Normally I say exactly what I mean but Miles was a good friend to me. He is a decent person that has been there for me on a few occasions.  I thought to myself that maybe the medication was messing with his behavior and that is why he said all those hateful things. 

I went back around midnight to check on Miles. The security guard saw me come into the complex and I told him that Miles was letting me stay there for a while. I had the key but when I got to the door it was already open. When I entered into the apartment Miles was on the floor again.  For the second time he was on the floor naked.  I thought a trick came by but this time was different though. 

I leaned over him to make sure he was alright and his muscles in his neck started to contract.  His eyes crossed and I knew that something was wrong.  I called 911 and told the lady on the phone what was going on.  She told me that he was having a seizure. I could not believe it. This was the first time going through anything like this up close and personal. 

She asked me was there any liquid coming out of his mouth.  Soon as she said that a clear fluid started to sputter from his lips.  He started to have trouble breathing. She instructed me how to left his neck back so he can breathe.  I was so freaked out. 

The ambulance came quickly but they could not get in the gate.  Miles disconnected the cable modem from the phone so they could not contact us to let us know they were there and could we could not let them in. The security guard let the EMTs into the gate and they showed up at the door.  There were five of them.  I got out of the way and let them do what they do best. 

Now I was so distracted with what was going on with Miles I did not noticed the pipes and tina he had all over the place. The paramedics got mad because they felt Miles was not having a seizure and he was on as they call it “different plane of consciousness”.  Basically they thought he had over dosed because they found a couple of the pipes and some baggies laying around. 

I found it disturbing that they really did not care about his condition too much after discovering that stuff but at this point I was sweating bullets.  I did not want to go to jail because of the shit he had laying around. I started to go around that apartment picking up anything I could find.  Eventually they strapped him to a gurney (because he was kicking everybody) and took him away. That was after I had to get his pants on because he was naked as three jay birds. 

After everyone left the silence finally hit me.  I felt more alone and a little frightened as well.  If Miles would have died they would have asked me a lot of questions. I was the only one seen being around him.  I did not even see the other guys that he was partying with.  Hell the security guard was the only one that saw me go in and out of the door. Somewhere in my bones I knew someone else was involved in all this shit. 

I have left Miles alone a million times by himself and he has never overdosed a day in his life since I knew him.  He partied harder than I did.  I have a feeling that someone helped him get to that state or took a blind eye to what was going on while they were with him.   Someone was there minutes before I stepped into the room.  To this day I will never stop looking for that person that tried to leave my friend for dead.  

I may be single

A few days ago I was just told by my boyfriend of four years that I have not been happy in our relationship for quite a while now. After that he gave this strange goodbye in his message like he was breaking up with me.  It took a few days to contemplate what really was going with him and what is going on in my life.

First how is somebody going to tell another person how they feel in any situation. I realized he has done that a lot in our relationship instead of asking me how I felt. 

Second I am a gay relationship columnist.  How was I going be an expert in gay relationships when I can't seem to make my own work?  Then I figured out I have to be me and give my readers and fans what they want and need. My job is to give what knowledge and wisdom to you that I can from the good, bad and ugly.  However it is my wish to show you all what is beautiful. 

Third if I am single now I don't have time to shut down. I have a world out there that needs exploring.  We can help each other and I plan to put all my energy into that so help me Jesus. hehehehe. 

So I got news for all the so called "stable people".  There is more of us that go through problems than there are of you that feel you have your life together.

Time to get on the soul train.  LOVE PEACE and SOUL.  

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

FOR THE LOVE OF(Verse Three)

This is the cover to the unedited third segment of my novella series For The Love Of.  You have no idea how proud I am for taking the initiative to create this book from writing it, creating the cover, to publishing it on Smashwords.

I started taking writing seriously only a year ago, and I definitely have not skills at creating covers and editing a book but the one thing I knew I wanted was to create something real with my own hands from start to finish.

The pictures on the front are of the three people I love the most. The things I write about may be fiction but it was taken from something very real and it is like a rewind in time for me in reliving those episodes.

I wanted to write a book different than any other that engages the reader directly like a best friend. Every person that reads my book I consider a good friend because I am sharing what is real from my life, created with my hands and stamped with a seal of approval from my soul.

So here is one of the most personal sections from my book For The Love Of(verse three) and I hope everyone enjoys it.

I remember what happened on my last birthday.   Mitchell and I actually moved into that apartment complex off of Peachtree close to Peachtree Mills Rd.(the one that banned me from the premises) Now it about nine pm and three more hours till my birthday.  Mitchell informs me that Rick would be over in a few minutes.  Mitchell love to makes these plans and tell me at the last minute.  His friend Rick is another shady character that you couldn't throw far enough to believe what comes out of his mouth. 

Now when Rick made it to the apt he came in and scanned the place. He made a few snide comments  then Mitchell and him left out. Thank Jesus that they did because after that little greeting I was ready to throw him out myself.  You see I am old school and my mama is in her seventies so she taught me old school.  

When you go into a person's house you don't make any little cute comments that will get you thrown out faster than a ghost at an exorcism.  You do like my mama told me.  When I walk into a person's home I am privileged to step through the door.  I give that person the up most respect that you can possibly imagine. I do not make little jokes that might insult my hosts. If I have the ability to give that type of respect to a person then I can expect that type of respect from my guests but to get on with what I was saying.

So they both left and Mitchell told me that he would only be gone a few minutes.  A few minutes turned out to be a few hours.  I am not exactly sure how many hours they were gone because when midnight came I got ready and decided to go out.  I was going to go to my friend Harry's place.  I called him before I left to be sure that it was ok but the events that happened next were almost improbable. 

So I left out of the apartment a few minutes after midnight and made my way down Peachtree like going to SCAD.  Now I was walking on the left side of the road where the Kroger used to be and I saw two boys walk all the way across from the other side of the street to get to me.   I will never forget their faces as long as I live.

Both boys were young between the ages of 16 and 20.  One boy was very light skinned and the other boy was a little darker but not by that much.  They both were around my height and they were skinner than me.  I would think they both were about one hundred and sixty pounds or so.  They both were wearing hoods and hats and they both made the same comments.  

They said “What is wrong with you man you don't believe in God.”  

They thought for some reason that I hated God or something of that nature then they made threats to kill and hurt me. Thank God I had my “all purpose” stick with me.  They both charged me at once and I swung my stick.  I was not afraid of them at all.  I told them they did not have the guts to kill me and they should go on home before they got hurt.  I have to admit that for someone that did not want to be in that situation instigating the problem further did not help matters at all. 

I was already so pissed though.  Here is Mitchell lying to me again saying that he was only going to be gone for a few minutes and never returned then I was all by myself and all I wanted to make it to my friend's house on Tenth St. Of course I could not even do that without some violent melodrama happening.  Yes I was very angry. They said that they would hurt me if I did not have my stick in my hand.  I felt it was only fair since they had a knife in theirs.

I eventually got so mad that I told the light skinned guy to go home and that he wanted to kill me but he could not keep his word as a man.  He should try again on another day when he grows up and I was doing them both a favor by letting them go unharmed.  When I said that the light skinned guy came in front of me, grabbed me by the back of the neck with his is left hand and pulled me forward close to him. He lunged something into my stomach with his right hand. 

I knew that he tried to stab me but I did not feel anything.   I saw the back pack I was wearing got in front of me and the guy. That means it must have gotten in front of the knife he tried to use too.  The funny thing about it was that I was so pissed at Mitchell that night that I took his back pack because I did not have one of my own.  Is that ironic or what?  When I inspected the bag I found two small holes close to the bottom of the back pack where he tried to stab me.  I thought to myself  “Son of a bitch he really did try and stab me.”  I guess for me I did not think he was for real nor had the heart until I saw with my own eyes what had happened. 

After that I would think a sane person would have gone back to the apartment but who would have called me totally sane.  Besides I was pissed at Mitchell and I did not want to give him the satisfaction of being around me when he should not have lied in the first place. 

I lost my bearing a few times going to Harry's place.  After the night I just went through who would have thought there was more to come.  

I was about three hours over due getting to his place.  Of course Harry was not too happy with me being so late.  I explained to him what happened and in the middle of telling him the story he already knew the details.  He told me that it was a gentle warning to let me know that I should not be out walking that late at night.  He told me that the same incident has happened to a few others almost in the same exact spot. 

So now my suspicion and my guard are up because there was no one and I mean there was no one on the street at that hour.  The streets were totally bare.  The only way that  he could have known what had happened was that he saw me first hand or that he planned it.  I was not ready to call him two faced just yet. It could have been the tina really affecting his brain and his judgment.  The whole plan of coming there was to get some stuff but Harry. (another hoody ninja)

He had the idea that since it was my birthday just to give me a really good shot.  I went in the room and we both got naked and I prepared the shot. I hit it right on the money the first time in.  Wow that was one of the best shots that I had in the longest time.  It went in clean and the feeling started right in the middle and spread to the rest of my body.  I was thanking him a lot and wanted to thank him in more ways than one but something interesting happened. 

The feeling in me would not level off and dissipate.  The feeling kept on and on and before I knew it I could not control myself and I just passed out on the bed.  Now I did not know I passed out until a few hours later I woke up and I was on the foot of his bed.  When I woke up he started making these weird comments and told me to look at the screen.  

He has this huge flat screen in his bedroom that was the hot as hell.  When I looked at the screen there was this porn playing with all this guys taking their turn on this unsuspecting little guy in the movie.  I thought the scene took place at the local bath house but no matter the place Harry told me that what happened in the porn is what just happened to me.  Basically what he was saying was that when I was knocked out all these guys took their turn with me.  Harry made like he did not know everything that went on because he just came into the situation.  I know that not to be true because I knew what happened before the time that I blacked out.  Makes me think that Harry slipped something in my point or the tina that he gave me was not tina.  

Sunday, April 1, 2012

I apologize

I want to apologize to everyone.  First I know there are some bloggers that post everyday and I will do my best to do that.   You see I had a whole other profile and blog I felt that me and my boyfriend learned enough from and he was right in telling me take it down.

I go through pain efforts to understand the subjects that I write about.   When I write I want to bring you a reality that is more real and life like than you can possibly imagine.

I write reality novellas.  I write short novels made from the real experiences that I witnessed first hand or been through at first light.  While I am on this rant I wanted to thank my boyfriend Michael Rose who performed to the excellence and style he is always capable of doing.  I wanted to know what it was like to be treated like a piece of garbage this last weekend and he set that up with vigor and diligence.

Every time that I write a knew novella the first thing he asks me is "Do you know how that feels?"  He does his best and I hope to live up to the challenge.  My next book "More Than Words on a Page" is something I believe will capture the child in all of us of just wanting to be loved and wanting to be innocent.

If you do not see an article from me on Examiner don't be afraid it is just me recovering from the last weekend but I promise more will be in store a week head as I write the forth part of my novella series.