Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Anger holds no power if you understand your responsibility

Over the past couple of days I have learned a great lesson. Anger is nothing but a tool that is needed so we understand the serious and argus path we follow in this hard knock life.  We can blame anyone or anything we wish.  It is you, it is you, it is you that must take responsibility for whatever that happens in your life good or bad, if there is such a thing in the eyes of linear beings. Why do you look so puzzled or think I don't know what I am talking about? Maybe you can't believe a person like me spends his time thinking of how to know myself better.

Crazy you think? Please forgive me but I am following another human behavior pattern called assuming. Maybe I don't know what the hell I am talking about but if you say it to me directly at least we are on the same plane and plateau.  Now who do I address when I say you? I am speaking to nobody particular just like in a soliloquy. Even right now as I am speaking to myself in a soft voice while I measure my errors in writing this blog, there is no crazy individual in me or around me.  That does not mean people are not behind the walls. It would be arrogant to assume that nobody is around just becuae your eyes cannot penetrate wood or brick.  Would it be safe to say that if I speak loud enough that someone would hear?

The whole point of this entire post is to convey how my eyes are more open than they have ever been. I am actually in wondrous state of discovery because I realize the next result of my life is up to me.  I am ready to say that I am not entirely ready to face the reactions of my own actions but I would be fool to assume that the responsibility lies in someone hands other than my own 

Sunday, May 27, 2012

This is a short post... flip mode is the greatest

One day when I was a kid I was playing in the yard. I passed by a big tree in the middle of the yard and tried to climb it. I was successful until I reached that second limb. I fell to the ground and bumped my head. My mom came out and saw me.

She asked "Baby are you alright?"

I said "Yeah I just bumped my head."

She gave me this funny look and then said "So that means you gonna switch it on them."

I then said "Yeah, flip mode,... flip mode is the greatest."

Still don't know what that means. Just call me crazy. hahahaha....

Saturday, May 26, 2012

You are not getting one drop of sweat from my balls

I was just talking to my boyfriend which by the way, if you want to keep in tune with my relationship, share your relationship experiences or feel want to grab up some relationship advice please visit my relationship blog "My Big Gay Boyfriend" and we shall all gain relationship knowledge together. Getting back the thought at hand, we were talking about things that happened in the past with us and the subject of a few old acquaintances came up,  Now, I used to get upset about this subject. It seems like people that are friends with my boyfriend have a problem with me but they never tell me to my face. They will tell my boyfriend but they won't tell me.

Here is one example, just a few minutes ago he was telling me about this friend of his we shall call Rico. My boyfriend told me they had a discussion and Rico said "Well, you know how I feel about Greg."  This person is not the only one that has said this. My boyfriend has told me about two other people that have said the same thing and one chick that he tells all our relationship business too, spreads our business in the street.

The whole point I am making here is that there use to be a time I would get upset about hearing news like this because these same people that is talking all this trash about me, are people I have helped in the past. I actually brought this subject up in recent posts called "How soon we forget where we come from" and "Why do people want to tear down happiness". Now, I don't totally blame these people because they hear lots of  info from my boyfriend. He has talked bad about me in the past and that was considered influential reports on my character but nobody has the balls to ask me about anything.

Here is how I look at it. These people are not my friends. These people are my boyfriend's friends and he does not want to get rid of them. Though they will constantly beat down on him for being with such a bad person like me (even though ever single one of these people talking bad about me I have helped personally) he won't get rid of them.

Now, I have told my boyfriend the God to honest truth, I am on a great path now with writing and other ventures I am pursing that brings me great joy. I am not forfeiting what peace I have trying to be around people that does nothing more than talk trash about me. I told him that I will not be around those particular people and any other person I find submersed in negativism for me, I am not going to do it and I don't have to do it. If he wishes to be around those people, he is a grown man he can do what he wishes but I wanted to make sure that before I set foot in the direction of moving back in with him, it was clear those people are going to stay away from me and I away from them.

Lastly, at one point it did get to me that these people would talk bad about me because you would think common sense would set in. A person that has helped you in the past, cannot be the sum of all the bad things you have heard. You would think there is some doubt placed in a person's mind in this scenario because they have witnessed the opposite end of all the bad things people said about me.

I am at a place in life where I got too many productive things going on and have too much confidence to give a crap about what people say about me, especially people that don't have a dignity or guts to tell me to my face. It is no sweat off my balls. If I could show you my balls, I would show you how you will not get one drop of sweat off of them regarding this matter.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Wow I forget how boring it is in Aiken

Aiken is very boring and I am talking about out of your skull boring. If it gets any more exciting in this damn town I won't be able to live with myself and I am really hoping that happens. It is Memorial Day weekend and there has to be something to do. I want to celebrate all these small accomplishments that I have achieved. Of course, I have to celebrate alone just like my last birthday but unlike my birthday I won't have a young teenager try and stab me on the street.

I am thinking about going out but go out to where. Aiken does not have the most progressive gay scene. I could go to Augusta but it has been such a long time since I have been to the club. Man, being here is making me appreciate a larger city more and more. 

Normally everything is all good with me but I can't explain my frustration or level of boredom. There is something in me that don't want to go through the same ole same that I have been going through in the last 8 months or has it been 8 years..  

This is going to be a short post. On to the quest of not being such a damn square. 

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Exciting things are happening

So the coolest thing that has happened to me today is that I was offered a job as a local assignment writer for CBS local Atlanta. I will be CBS local's Nightlife and Music Beat writer for Atlanta. There will be other assignments other than this one title but I am up to the task. It is not a high paying gig but it will be more than I had before The fact that CBS noticed my work makes me very proud. I have taken their offer so look for my articles to come soon on CBS.com and many CBS station affiliate websites all over America.

Second, I finally trapped my boyfriend into doing a relationship blog with me. We are doing a dual blog from from personal points of view but it all deals with our relationship and how it has survived four years so far. It has not been easy but if you want to know the secret of a lasting (not trouble-free just lasting) relationship check out my relationship blog "My Big Gay Boyfriend" at mybiggayboyfriend1.blogspot.com. Soon as we get some things straightened out, I am hoping we do a You Tube relationship show called "Mike and Greg's Big Gay Relationship". Also, look for Mike's blog  to come very soon titled "My Big Gay Boyfriend". It has the same name. Funny huh?

Last, I am getting great feedback from my publisher Publish America which I will be the first one to admit, I became a bit worried. They don't have a spotless record as being a stand-up honest company in the publishing game. Many authors have encouraged me to not deal with them at all but I am firm believer that you must experience things on your own. One person's impression of a company will always be different than another, depending on the circumstances of that relationship. Of course, you do become a little apprehensive when you hear stories of a publishing company not really putting out books and authors begging a publishing company to sell the rights of their own books back to the author. From what I have been told,  my book should be coming to the end of the design phase after five months of waiting my turn at bat. I can't wait to see what they have done to the pages I wrote. I am very excited.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

How soon some of us forget where we came from

I try and follow the advice and teachings from a friend that cares about my well being. I can see him now telling me to let things go, forgive those that have done bad things unto me and forgive yourself for all the pain you feel. I tell myself all the time that those concepts are great and I do my best to live up to these principles but there is also a part of me that believes the feeling would not be so intense if I had not treated those people as I wanted to be treated.

Sometimes I think back about the circumstances I fell into with people that decided to repay my kindness with disrespect and poor annunciation. You know, there is one person that talks bad about me to everyone they can find which includes my boyfriend but he will not admit to me that he performed the action. I knew from the beginning in meeting him that he has some sort of ill odd feelings toward me but I was hoping me being an example would persuade him to see me in a different light. Now, I am already a little angry because even to this day, he still follows the same behavior but he forgot that the first time we met he asked for my help.

The first time me and this person met, he asked my boyfriend to ask me to help him get his boyfriend home safely which I was glad in doing. By my own actions I showed what kind of person I am and that is how I feel you validate a person's character. Everybody is going to be out of their character some time or another. You are going to catch people at their low periods but that low point is only a small portion of a person's total being. What gives you the right, unless you are a person that loves to talk about people and instigate, to talk bad about anybody especially someone that has been there for you?

Now, don't get me wrong, there are some people that embodies everything you don't want to be or be around. Not everybody is out wanting to help others, in fact there are some people that only care about how they are going to get over another person today. Everyday they wake up their mindset is focus on taking from someone else without caring about the consequences to anybody else. They call those people sociopaths and Atlanta does have a few people like that.

Warning a person about someone that has done you and others wrong is different than spreading bad rumors, trying to ruin the reputation of a person that has been good to you, "People quickly forget where they came" is what my mother use to tell me. People easily forget about those who helped them when they needed it until it is time to say something terrible about that same person. Then they remember that low point and harp on that fact very easily.

Emotions to get a little heated for me because it is hard to think that a person is made of such sterner stuff that they can hurt the same people they willing helped them. But it is real. How soon we forget.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Stick your hand down the drain

So, I am watching the gay movie "Love Valor Compassion" which is a fantastic movie by the way. If you are younger than the age of 35 download it and see if your eyes will be open. So, there is a part in the movie where Gregory, the choreographer, is working on this dance number for an AIDS benefit but he is so frustrated that the whole piece is not coming together. Also, this younger, beautiful Puerto Rican modern dancer, Ramon, had sex with Bobby, Gregory boyfriend, at Gregory's house. Now, Bobby did come clean about how it happened but it just came at the worse possible time.

So, Gregory comes downstairs and Ramon is talking to him all happy and nonchalant, then all of a sudden Gregory comes over to the garbage disposal turns it on, comes behind Ramon, put him in an choke hold and arm lock and yells "Stick your hand down the drain!" This always happy-go-lucky, stuttering, harmless individual had a momentary lapse of rational behavior and rightful so. Ramon had sex with his boyfriend and  repeatedly come to his house several times after that. Gregory continued to welcome Ramon with open arms even after he found out about the affair.

My whole issue is, not trying to be racist but clearing up confusion on this double-edged sword, why are black people looked at as behaving savagely and violently when we have the same fit of rage? I remember two years ago there was this one individual that was noting but trouble to the point where he drove me to rage just by being in his presence. He would talk bad about me, he would lie, owe everybody money and would just cause my relationship so many problems it was not funny. He actually broke into our apartment one day, slept on our floor, ate the food out the cabinet and no one had a clue this person was there.

One day my boyfriend made a lapse in judgment by letting this person back in the house. So, we happen to be in the kitchen alone and he made some disrespectful comment about my boyfriend, which makes me angrier than if you said a disrespectful remark towards me. Now, we had a garbage disposal but a knife was closer than switch on the wall for the disposal. I got behind this individual and when he turned around he backed up into the corner when he saw the knife in my hand. We basically had a conversation about appreciation and respect. I wanted him to understand that I was not going to tolerate what he did to me and I was not going to allow a person to disrespect my boyfriend in our house especially since it was my boyfriend that let his trifling self back in the door.

He ran out the kitchen and before I knew it he left. No, I am not happy about what happened and yes, the lapse of rational behavior was momentary but would I do it again? You damn right I would. I am going to do whatever I can to protect my respect, my house and the one I love plus his respect as well. The price is too high to do anything else. So, this Gregory in real life thinks that Gregory from the movie did the right thing. Anybody named Gregory is right. heheh

Monday, May 21, 2012

Donna Summer really did not like gay people

So, I am reading different things on the net and came across this article on Newzar about Donner Summer not liking gay people. Now, I like her music like any other self-respecting gay man but at the end of the night it was just an illusion and rumor that she adored people.

I went on several different other sites to corroborate this information there is loads of stuff on the net that talked about her dissatisfaction with the gay community. She would be known to tell the gay members of her audience. during her concert, that she would pray for them. These are people that paid good money to see this false icon of the gay community and she would disrespect them like that.

No, I am not going to speak ill of the dead because that is not my way but we as a gay community must be more careful as who we pick to give our loyalty and devotion too. Why would I go and see an entertainer that has a problem with the way God made me? Why would I spend my money with someone that has no support for the community that I apart of? That makes no sense. That is the same as me, being a black man, going to a KKK rally and giving them my work check for the week. That is insane.

This is more than just about mistaken devotion put into an illusion heroin for gay people. This is about using common sense. If she was still living and now knowing this fact, I would not sink one thin dime of my money into her. Then I would look for gay artists to support, which means I would revert back to my gay identity and look for heroes and heroins in my own community. Donna Summer thoroughly made it clear that she does not like the gay community but I know, now that she is dead, so many gay individuals have bought her music.

Well Donna I am sorry to tell you, I like you music but this is about logically supporting my community and I won't give my money to anybody that don't support us.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Can I be as amazing as an atheist?

So, if you don't know I am a you tube nut, which by the way I have my own you tube channel. Just look for thesoswirl on You Tube and you will find little old me. Two of my favorite you tube personalities on the web is Richard Coughlin (Coughlin616) and TJ(The Amazing Atheist). Now, I am not an atheist and my belief comes opposite of how lots of atheists feel but it comes from the same source principle.

And by no means am I trying to write this thinking that atheists are selfish but I am not self-centered enough to believe that all things unknown are just natural orders of life and leave it at that. Atheists believe if something is intangible then it really does not exist. They also believe to use there rational mind and logic, from where ever they believe it comes from, as the real teacher from which all lessons are learned.  Basically they don't want to hear about men in clouds on streets of gold because they live in a no fly zone.

Now, I can dig logic and I definitely believe in learning as much as I can. My belief comes from the fact that we are not supposed to know everything. If we knew everything then one of the most important parts of being human is taken away from us.The power of imagination and curiosity. They are wonderful things but they are not as amazing as an atheist

Notice how I reveal in atheists not Atheism. I will always believe in something more powerful than myself but atheists kind of do rock. For example, The Amazing Atheist just tells it like it is, the way he wants to and really does not give a rat's butt who listens. Either that is a true artist or the luckiest guy in the world that found his voice. Now Richard Coughlin is serious about his Atheism. He is so serious that he shreds other atheists to bits if they come with one bit of what he calls "dipshitery". He just believes that you can be roughen-proof and intelligent at the same time. Nothing wrong with that.

So, though I don't have the spirit to be an atheist, I am learning how to have the heart to be myself. Who better to teach that lesson than from someone that sees things as they are.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

I have never really been a dreamer

I have never really been a dreamer, you know. All my life I have thoughts in my head of something I would like to do and just reach for it. No matter if I move mountains or not, fear and failure never played a role in whether I underwent a task. Talk about being strange huh. I just don't see things the same way most people see them. Sometimes I don't know if that is a blessing or curse. To see the world with your imagination can spawn great invention when the time is needed. It is like, getting superpowers just when the time is right. SHAZAAM!!!!!

Being a writer has never been a dream for me. It is something I wanted to do and now look. I have a few fans that like my work and I have two books coming out soon. I just see what I want and go for it. Yes, a little preparation in the beginning would help but I love learning during the journey. I see everything as a doorway but not as a magical doorway that lead to infinite possibilities. It's more like a door of practical opportunity, that takes more than just turning the knob and walking through to make things happen. Every locked door needs a key and for those keys that break inside the lock, you need a locksmith or a good foot in the door.

I guess what I am saying is that now I am at a point where for the first time necessity calls for a superhero and something tells me I am going to see that big red cape on my back. My friend wants to start a non-profit and I mean a non-profit that actually handles problems. Somewhere in him I sparked this inspiration of gay unity and he now wants to help all teens and young adults being bullied. He has a lofty goal but I have seen him do more than I ever could. Now he wants my help and I am on this journey with him.

It is funny. If you knew my friend he always cares more about others than he does himself and I have to admit, worried as I am about making this dream happen, he is going for the gusto. So, wish us luck. As I have always said "No one can do everything by themselves." We are going to need the support of the whole gay community and any other community that cares about this issue. Look for updates on his blog. bryanzepp.blogspot.com and mine. Thank you everyone that have supported me and my work. I appreciate you all.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Today is National HIV Vaccine Awareness Day

Today is HIV Vaccine Awareness Day which I had no clue that this day existed until last week. I am officially turning this day into Hug an HIV Positive Person Day. This war against HIV has been going on for thirty years and right now thirty million world wide have the disease, which twenty million people in the last thirty years have died. I am not one to harp on death because there is enough time for that in the grave. This post is about life.

In my column yesterday I wrote about how close we are to a cure. Closer than we ever have been. They have to genetically mutate our immune system but hey it is about our survival and the survival of  the human race. Not the black, yellow, white, green or blue race but the human race. 

So, today I am declaring this Hug an HIV Positive Person Day. Look at what the nation and the world has been facing in this fight and I hate to tell you this, but you don't know who is HIV positive by just looking at a person. They could be working next to you, living next to you and accomplishing more than you ever thought possible. In fact, unless they come out and tell you, you will never know for sure. If that person has the strength to be a proud and realize that their achievements and successes in life are not taken away because they are HIV positive, they will have no problem to tell you, if they are you friends. 

No, no one here is telling you to run in the streets naked, sing Hallelujah and announce that you are HIV positive. I realize that are bigots and prejudice peons still in the world. I agree that you have to be careful who you tell because some people are mean and will use your information against you. I would love to say that in 2012 everybody is past this type of thinking because prejudice never realize their ignorance until it is their family member or themselves in the same bay as everybody else. 

A hug cost nothing and support from some, is worth more than insincere caring from others. Hug the nearest HIV  positive person close to you. I promise you it is the best medicine we have right now. 

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Where does 'Soswirl' come from?

Some of my fans have asked where does my screen-name Soswirl come from. That is a good question to ask because lots of you think that my name have something to do with using GHB and "swirling" out. That is far from the truth.

Back in the late 80's and early 90's, if you like someone of a different race you were known as "being down with the swirl." So if you were white and you liked a black person or vice versa, you were known as being down with the swirl  I find white guys attractive and to tell you the truth all my boyfriends from the first one I had at 19yo (he was 35) have been white. 

The town I grew up in is Aiken SC so there is not that much free forward thinking at all when it comes to dating or relationships. I bring up this statement because I am sure a lot of people in the gay and black communities would have wanted me to go a more traditional route with dating someone of my own race but there are a few things that got in the way of that. 

When I was a kid I did not go out with friends, I stayed to myself, I read a lot, took solace in computers and never developed the typical behavior and mindset of an average person. In writing this, there is not one part of me that believes I am better than anyone by any means, in fact I now understand because I stayed to myself a great deal, I did not get a chance to develop important relational skills with others. So, even to this day I carry those same characteristics from childhood with me as an adult. 

The second thing is anytime I do something it was always outside of what people expect me to do. No one expected me to love computers, no one expected me to enjoy writing, no one expected me to like science and Dr. Who (look that up) and damn sure no one expected me to be gay. So, I was not trying to be a rebel without a cause, I just saw the beauty in something different than myself. That does not mean I don't see the beauty in myself or my black community, it is just that white gay men noticed me first and I stuck to what I knew. 

I have to admit being in Atlanta has opened my eyes to the beauty of black men and now I am finding more black men sexually attractive because we have so much culture ever evolving but I am taken right now, so evolution has to wait for a moment. heheh... 

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Don't you fucking turn away now

You know one thing I am tired of in this world? You have these people that find the pain of others comical. They laugh when you fall, stump your toe or die in a crash. It does not matter. They laugh because it is not them going through the tragedy. Even right now you have someone thinking "stumping your toe is not a tragedy."  Would it be a tragedy if I said "Fuck You?"

How dare someone judge the amount of emotion that comes from other people's sorrow. They are probably the same ones that have this moral compass that beeps every time their stupidity meter goes ding. Why do we have such assholes in the world? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a a good self-respecting asshole like the next guy but come on, is this what our world is really reduced too.

I was just thinking about these jackasses that take it upon themselves to cyber-bully the ones they consider weak into killing themselves. They especially go after our gay teens because they know the weaknesses to look for in a person and pounce on them like a hyena on a piece of meat. Again, don't get me wrong. I know that if you counter violence like this with more violence, you must be ready to handle the problem violently but there are times I don't feel like Martin Luther King. I don't feel like singing we shall overcome to turn the other cheek. I feel like Malcolm X at times and some things he said were right on the money. Sometimes I want to stop singing and start swinging. It is all about respect. That is the problem now we too much singing. You can't sing upon some respect but you can swing upon some respect.

Look, this is the ranting of a gay man that doesn't believe in taking too much shit. I don't have it in me to hurt anyone else unless a situation calls for it and thank God I was given enough "home training" and insight to know when that is. If I did not, I would be like George Zimmerman that believes shooting a seventeen year old kid is self-defense but I would also believe in gold rainbows and unicorns too.

This world has forgotten that the suffering we go through is not to make you stronger as an individual to laugh and torment the next person. When you do something like that, you drop your strength faster than a five-dollar hoe that drops to their knees.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Don't hate me because I like Mama Cass

I have been humming this damn tune in my head by Mama Cass ever since I saw the gay movie Beautiful Thing yesterday. Now, I am not an all time Mama Cass fan like the black chick in the movie that was just in love with the bitch but the girl just has presence. She has a voice that could lull you to sleep and lets face it, she is what gay is all about.

How many big girls do you know during that era was stealing the show. Show business is more about overall look and not about about performance.  I mean, take the group Wilson Phillips. The big girl of the group was the one with the most talent. She was the one that was singing her heart out, probably because she had more heart than the other two combined. 

Look at the black community. Big girls in the black community can usually sing the best. They probably have to because lets face it, big people get the shaft most times. They don't fit into what most society believe is beautiful. Remember the group C & C Music Factory, that little skinny black girl was supposed to be singing?  She was lip-syncing the song. It was Martha Wash, one half of the group The Weather Girls that was singing the song for that girl.  

I guess the lesson for the day is that the people that always are going to judge if you fit into what they feel is beauty, inside and out. Whether you are big, tall, short, a little goofy, gay or just see things differently, always remember, there are more of us than there is of the beautiful people. The people who are different, always sing the best.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Do you really want to hurt me?

The thing that happens when your plan does not go exactly as planned is called life. Luck favors the prepared and a little more common sense can be used by everybody. Today I have been talking to my friend about furthering the productivity of my articles and collaborating on some projects to help young gay teens with suicide prevention. It felt good to talk to somebody that cares about me being productive and want to see me venture further to have more.

I was talking to my boyfriend about the living situations and financial issues we will be in when I move back to Atlanta. Don't things always seem to switch up in the middle when those two subjects come into question or a conversation?  As usual, we had to agree to disagree about who said what and I told him it was time for us to go to bed. After four years of being together, he can't tell when he is being abrupt or sarcastic even when he text me.  

I can see a huge argument from a mile away and I have eyes in the back of my head to see crap coming from the distance. You know how when someone wants to argue and you don't argue with that person so it makes them want to argue more. They can be staring at the wall and be mad at a brick but if that wall does not answer back, it is still not their fault. Trust me, I have seen the live version of this person. 

As a relationship expert here is a little advice to all gay couples out there. Life was never created just for you to have a smooth ride. Seamless can switch from back to forth and back again but arguing with your partner about something you both are going through, will never solve a damn thing. If this is not your first rodeo together going through hard times, why not agree that you have made it through rough patches before? Why not agree you can do it again?  Agree on what you know is a fact and take it from there. Nobody gets anywhere by being mad and disrespectful to each other about a situation you both are stuck in. 

Do you really want to hurt the person you care about that much that you forget what it took for you both to get to a stable point?  Find a way to handle the problem and move on to either the next problem or the next segment of peace. 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Is this what we paid for?

Today I wrote an article for my column with the same title as this post. It is about a young gay black man that just killed himself by the name of Jay'Corey Jones. I won't go to much into it but if you want to check out the article, just click the link and you can read it in your spare time. http://www.examiner.com/article/is-this-what-we-paid-for?cid=db_articles

I wanted to write about the anger I felt toward this whole tragedy. There are many different reasons to be angry from one end of this topic to the other but there is something specific that stirred in me after hearing about this young man's death.

Struggle is struggle in my perspective. It does no matter what people are going through the pain. Prejudice is prejudice, a hate crime is a hate crime and death is death. So, as a black man, I am given the gift of understanding the power of knowing my history, of unity and of racial identity. These are concepts that must be transferred to the gay community. With so many black people that have died by the hands of racist and prejudice people, so that I could be the black man I want to be today, there is no way in hell I could kill myself if a bully was calling me any racial slur; I don't care about the consistency, frequency or my age. I just could not do it.

It needs to be the same way with the young gay people of today. In the 80's to right now, there were people who had there heads smashed in with baseball bats, lives taken and blood shed so that this generation can be the type of gay individuals they want to be. If they understood how powerful this statement is and was able to identify proudly with their sexuality, not one gay person would find a razor to slit their wrists or find a bridge to jump off of.

Unfortunately, they don't have this type of guidance and I blame no one but the parents almost 100%. If you have a gay child walking around wanting to kill themselves, does it and you have your head in the air saying that the event was unexpected, you did not do your job. Your child's death is your fault. Where do you think the gay youth should go to learn how to stand up for who they are proudly so these bullies, no matter what they say or do, can affect the esteem of your child? Who do you think they should come to? On the other hand, if you don't know how to stand up for yourself, you surely can't teach something you don't know. In other words your LGBT child is in a double trap. As a parent, if you can't teach them what they need to know, you are sending them into a den of wolves defenseless.

We need to wake up. Is this the result of all the marching and beatings that gay people took for so many years? Is this what our blood and death in the gay community paid for? There were gay people that were left in back of allies to bleed out in the street by homophobic bigots and you are telling me the youth of today can't stand up to some jive words by ignorant young peers that don't know why they are being ignorant in the first place?

If you parents can't tell you, I will tell you. You are stronger than that, you are more than that and for damn sure I care about you, if you thought no one else does. You community carries a character or strength with it and remember, that strength is within you.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Why do people want to tear down happiness?

I neither usually find myself blogging two days in a row nor writing about people that hate on others but this time I decided to take special notice about something. I was having a talk with my boyfriend, which I do love very much and he was telling me about something that happened the other night. Normally I don't address negativity in this fashion but I wanted to take this time and use his experience as an example for several positive aspects.

He was in the presence of his friends and one of his supposedly good friends started to disrespectfully talk about me. Whether what this person said was true or not, if you are somebody's friend, you should not be degrading your friend's relationship and partner. When this person started to say insulting and disrespectful things about me, my partner asked this person to stop. This person basically challenged my partner and said "What will you do if I don't?"  My partner kindly asked him to leave and locked the door.

I have been in this same situation and what we are talking about here is basic relationship common sense. The example I want to bring to light is the fact you have someone that wants to tear down what another person and I have tried to build at every turn. Obviously jealousy comes into play and not jealousy of me. This person is obviously jealous of the fact that someone stood up for me with heart and I would do the same with no questions asked. So basically, I was chosen over his friend and I am sure that this person will be back to even out heart with hate as he has continuously done over the years. The question is not even why someone would do that because that answer should be apparent. My question is, why is this not done when I am there?  It is easiest for outside forces to throw your relationship off when two people aren't standing together in a relational and physical sense.

I write a relationship column, so I want to come with relationship advice from life experience and the books of knowledge. A relationship is a package deal. If you have toxic friends continuously trying to unravel the package, eventually you will have to let them go. We are human and when we slip up in our relationships, that toxicity will seep in to corrode what you worked for. It is like a curse. A curse takes years for it to become full strength before it does real damage and that is the same with these type of people. Yes, what I am saying is that as humans we are all susceptible to the curse. No one is different because we all will become vulnerable and the curse finds it way in after a period of being introduced to the same evil.

So if you have people in your life trying to make your relationship harder for you because they are not happy in their own life, just close and lock the door on them. Hard as it maybe, it is the best and I mean the best thing to do if you value your holy trinity. You, your partner and your relationship.

Totally Tyler and I are totally different

So I had some questions come to me about my book series "For the Love Of" but this one comment kind of threw me off. As everyone know, the author blogger and cool person Totally Tyler just came about with a new book about his gay dating experiences in Atlanta titled "Your Boyfriend and Other Boys I Kissed".  It details his experiences dating in Atlanta and gives his view of the city from his perception. It is a great book.

My book is totally different but there were some comments made about what kind of book I have written and that it may seem similar to Totally Tyler's book.The only thing that is similar between our books, is that we both talk about Atlanta and we are both inspired by our lives.

My books are fictional recreations of a young gay man that has this dream of living in Atlanta but he was truly not ready for what was in store. Yes, there is a lot sex and drug use mentioned in the book, Not only that but in some ways you feel like the the main character is proud to use drugs and don't want to stop. The book takes you to what I like to call the dirty, dirty side of Atlanta as a gay black man. There are some funny parts, there are some dramatic scenes that hopefully touch everybody and there will be some portions that you will understand only if you know what struggle is.

I sneaked in excerpts from my books because I wanted to show the "real" experience of Atlanta before editors came in and hacked my shit all to pieces. It might have been against my contract for $1 my publisher gave me, to do so. So if you want to check out small portions from all three books please check my previous blogs and you can get a large sample from of my book Perspective and For the Love Of(verse three) from Smashword at http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/soswirl.  I almost forgot, thank you to all my reader and fans that are supporting all my works. I hope I am dong a good job giving you information to enjoy and is useful.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Countdown to home: My priority must be straight

So, I should be back home in Atlanta at the end of the month if everything goes well. Don't get me wrong, if something goes haywire that I need to stay here longer in Aiken it is not a big deal. At least I don't have to worry about silly bullshit that should not have happened in the first place.

When I talked to my boyfriend today he said something that was true but not in its entirety. There is no doubt that when we try to make our relationship work by living together, it is good for a month and then there are major problems. He says there is a total lack of communication. Well he is right but that has not been a recent pattern and that has nothing to do with me trying to communicate. Also when he tells the story of our relationship history he giggles and laughs about it as if he is expecting the same pattern to happen again. Well, after four years, I had figured out the same pattern before he did but I am past who did what at what time.

I have goals that will be furthered by me being in Atlanta finally for good. My articles are doing well, I have contacts and business ventures people want to talk to me about. I have a book coming out that uses Atlanta as the core of the story. I love Atlanta and wanted to be there before I knew my boyfriend or wanted to be in a relationship. It would be silly to think that my first priority is to the same foolishness I found myself wrapped in for the last four years ahead of a career I am trying to cultivate and a person that really cares for me would understand that 100%.

By no means am I calling my relationship silly. I would not have any books to publish if I did not decide to keep with the grind of my relationship. I became a  relationship columnist because of this unique experience with the man I love very much but I would not be much of a relationship expert if I let my own relationship destroy what I am trying to build. In other words, my priority is to my boyfriend and relationship that compliments my efforts to my goals, not destroy them. I have pledged the same support and willingness to make this work.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I thank Barack Obama for nothing

I know I am going to hear a lot of flack from the gay community for not supporting Obama's paperweight pledge to support gay marriage. I am gay, of course, but I find it too convenient that right after North Carolina had their tragic vote to amend the state constitution to codify marriage to only be between a man and women, Obama has a miraculous change of heart to support gay people now.

Why don't we open our eyes and see that he does not care about our issue. He is a decent president that got some things worked out for the county as a whole and he carried on in the initiatives that Bush started but that does not mean he gives a damn about our cause.

The way I look at the situation, if he cared about gay rights so much, why did his administration decide to take "no action" on the executive order the HRC advocated about homosexual discrimination in the work place.  That had nothing to do with marriage expect for the the word "gay" in the title.

You can't be against one set of gay rights and then want to come out publicly for another. That makes you a hypocrite and foolish gay people are thanking him all over place. No, I will say thank you when young gay men are not dying because they are being bullied all over this nation.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Relationships need an translator sometimes

For the first time in four years I finally tried to talk to my boyfriend like an adult and I have no idea what just happened. He typed "I am always willing to give our relationship another chance." When I read a statement like that, it tells me he saw our relationship in the ending stages or he had it in his mind it was some type of finished.

Straight forward has always been the best type of communication to me but maybe I am wrong. Maybe some guys are from Barsoom and some are from Mars. (which by the way are the same planet) See what I mean? Sometimes you need a translator to turn various irrational emotions into a language that you can understand.

I typed back letting him know, if what he typed is how he felt then all he has to do is tell me the truth and either way my feeling won't be hurt. He typed that I did not understand what he was trying to convey or that I wanted to move on. Sounds like an ole switch-a-roo game. He told me not to text him again. Maybe I need a translator from childish to adult.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Ron Baitey and Senator Peter Brunstetter can kiss my ass

I always said that I don't know what I want to write about all the time but when I do, you know it will be real. In Raleigh NC they just finished voting on a proposal to amend their State Constitution to codify marriage to specifically and only be between a man and a women. If this stupid thing passes, that will shut down all legislation for civil unions and same sex marriage in the state. North Carolina already has a ban on same sex marriage but they wanted to push the gay community and it is time for us to push back.

Fuck you Ron Baitey and your racist group Return America and fuck you Senator Peter Brunstetter. He is nothing but a Dixiecrat anyway. The Senator's wife was heard spouting racial idiocy when she was asked about Amendment One by one of the poll-workers. She was heard saying that her husband wrote the bill for protection of the white race and that this country was founded by white people. This bill may have more to do with race that sexuality.

Whatever it has to do with, they both can kiss my ass and I hope the people of this state has the sense to know garbage when they see it. That is all I have to say.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Is it me or does Nancy Grace have a jackass button?

So, I am looking at my round robin of  HLN hard hitters and I come to the conclusion that Nancy Grace may not have a jackass button. She is intelligent, so takes no shit, she is a bitch but a jackass she may not be.

They are talking about this case where you have this rich land developer and he is on trial for his wife's death. The defense is claiming that she died from spray tan liquid because her death is undetermined. So she is laughing calling it the Spray Tan Defense.

I am thinking to myself "she is not a damn bit funny".  That is when I realized her and I are a lot alike. We just can't stand much bullshit and she definitely can handle her business. I am not a jackass or a bitch but get me in the right state of mind I can play one on TV.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I don't know what I want to write about

One of the things I always pride myself on is not succumbing to the bullshit. I do my best to tell things like it is. On occasion I just don't know what I want to write about. On my You Tube channel and on this blog the title is "I Got Something to Say" but sometimes I don't know where to begin. I keep it short because I can ramble on and don't know where to end the conversation as well.

No matter what I talk about you know it is going to be real because I don't know what I want to talk about most of the time. To tell you the truth, I feel that I don't reach a lot of you or touch you in a way that makes you not want to be silent. 

Well I am too average to change now. Besides if I stop talking I might miss something I really want to say and I can't think of any example worse than wasteful silence. 

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Funny what you get use too

It is funny what you can become use to in this life or at least funny how people turn out while handling the cards life has dealt them. Some people are bullied, picked on, stepped on, made to feel inferior and they quietly kill themselves while some go through the same pummeling to bring guns to loudly reap justice on those who hurt them.

Many people don't understand there is a third choice. People have done lots of things to me. When I first came to Atlanta, I lived in an environment where there was 5 or 6 of us in a one bedroom apartment. My patience and kindness was repaid with selfishness and disrespect. I remember some of the people tried to starve me out by hiding food in the refrigerator of a vacant apartment right next to ours so that no one else could get to it.  So while they were eating up other people's food they had much to spare. They would spread loads of lies about me that my own boyfriend would believe. I remember finally getting some food after not eating for three days and he throw the takeout food I had in the garbage disposal before I had a chance to eat it and others thought it was funny.

So you see, I never once thought about killing myself or taking another person's life after the trials people put me throw. The third choice is to gain your respect by keeping to who you are. You may not be able to change people but you can't let them change you.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Anybody want to take me to the royal ball?

If anybody knows anything about me, I stay to myself a great deal. I used to get accused of being snobbish or stuck because I did not like to hang with the mainstream. I loved it when other black people thought I did not like my own my race because I did not go out when asked. It was not that, it just that I am an introvert somewhat which means I did not hang around anybody. I have exhibited this type of behavior since I was young.

Now, I am at a point where I feel like I may want to go out more. Atlanta is a big town and I have not really been anywhere. Nobody has seen the real me go out to shake a tail feather and I can get down. Also, I have been invited to a few functions like the Human Rights Campaign Annual Dinner and the PFLAG Out with the Stars Dinner. Any guys out there want to be my date to help me impress the big heads?  hehehe

Also do not forget to go to http://www.change.org/petitions/reuben-lack-for-president to support Reuben Lack. This straight 18you high school student stood up for the gay community and the school district took something from him that he deserves. The petition is to support him because he was there for us.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Thank you to all my readers

I just want to blog today and say thank you to everybody that enjoyed the article about Dan Savage. I was apprehensive about writing the article in the first place. I did not want to seem as a traitor to my community for expressing my disappointment in Dan Savage's behavior in Seattle recently.

I believe the truth does not set you free but what you do with the truth will set you free. Though Dan Savage was expressing his view, he forgot he was dealing with children. He made of one of the audience members cry.  Children are not adults.

The second thing that got me off guard was the statement he made in reaction to people walking out.  We have no clue the type of hell others faced through dark periods of this country's violent hypocrisy. They are the ones that have been pushed and beat. Compared to those times we have just been pinched. Dan Savage made it sound like he and our community went through the fire, so he could stand up and bully others that don't know the whole story of how this country treated gay people.

Bottom line is, others felt the same way I did and I appreciated the support.  If you have not read the article please click the link and thank you.  http://www.examiner.com/article/more-bombs-do-not-stop-all-the-bombs

Tuesday, May 1, 2012


I'm doing something different that I usually do. Most days I would have my blog out by 6pm if possible but I am just waking up and had a strange dream. For me, dreams are like IMAX movies. It's as if I can live, in a world where I am the main character and sometimes it's as if I am standing on the side of myself seeing the event's unfold and then I would back in with the main character of the dream which is me to finish out the scene.

Last night I dreamed I was a student at some sort of school to learn how to help people. It seems like some sort of medical school.  Students were wearing white lab coats and teachers used medical terms.  I forgot my tablet so the substitute teacher allow me to use his.  It got to the end of class and I took the tablet with me for the next class which is going to be on the forth floor. I am trying to find the elevator but I kept getting lost or the elevator was not where people said it would be when I asked.

After a while I finally got to the elevator and pressed the button for the fourth floor. When the ride started, I did not think there was going to be a problem, but then I noticed the ride was taking a bit longer than normal. I looked up and saw the ceiling was coming closer. The elevator was pushing me up to the ceiling.  I did not know what to do. I screamed for help but no one could here me. I tried to push open the doors but I could not open them. I looked up at the ceiling coming closer and with my strength I latched on to the elevator door and pushed both doors open.

I was there in the elevator shaft looking down. When I pushed open the doors that made the elevator speed up faster. I fell on my back because the ceiling was coming at me so fast. Again, did not know what do to.  I put my hands above my chest and caught the ceiling, while I was on my back, before the elevator crushed me. For a moment I was holding the ceiling at bay. Somewhere in the dilemma I calmed down a little and realized this was not a ceiling I was holding up but the bottom of another elevator. With all my might I pushed the elevator up further and further until I could stand up.  I used one of my hands and opened a second set of doors and got out of the elevator.

When I got out, I tried to tell people what happened but they acted like everything was ok.  I was breathing hard and gasping for air in shock. I could not believe I had this superhuman strength and I was not on the fourth floor. This nice black women said that should could lead me to an elevator, but every time she told me where the elevator was, it was never in that spot.  I followed just about everywhere in that damn school.  After so many failures at finding an elevator I realized she led me to the fourth floor. That is when I woke up.

Interesting dream huh.........