I am listening to my boy Kerrion's song "Never Understand". Check it out on Myspace and represent your boy if you like the song. But like I was saying, I am so disappointed in myself. I so wanted this time in Atlanta to work out.You know, maybe it is silly of me to dwell on the past no matter how recent or distant the event is but I never wanted anything in my life to work out more than my relationship. Now, I have something that I want more than I ever thought possible. No matter how my life turns out, I want to be more than I never dreamed. And yes, I said that right, I never really dreamed past the stars and I now I want that.
It is silly that at 34yo I now have a dream of becoming a writer that touches people. Not even a great writer just a writer that has the ability to move people. That takes talent, you know. Something I am afraid I may not have. Is it politically correct to not fake it till you make it. Is it crazier for a tech geek, turned writer to write about his fear of not having talent to touch people in a real way?
Now I am listening to Ella Fitzgerald "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" which I know many will find nostalgic but I believe is right on time. I guess this hodgepodge of thoughts and accounts is the silent ranting of a man that just wants to understand. It would be nice to have someone give the simple answer I am looking for or give the simple love that endures.
But God, I ask to please give me the talent and skill to do something special and move people in a powerful way.